


So Close

by methequins



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Heart-to-Heart, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Roommates, Shower Sex, The Blair Witch Project - Freeform, Underage Drinking, bluets, denial is not just a river in egypt, dex secretly thinks it's cute, emotional whiplash, nursey gets really meta about movies and poetry, soft hockey gays, spoiler alert i don't actually know anything about hockey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methequins/pseuds/methequins
Summary: So close to giving up, so close to going all the waySo close to taking off, so close to going nowhereNursey always felt like he and Dex were on the edge of something he couldn't quite put into words. Once they started living together it only became harder to ignore, and as Nursey started looking at Dex in a new light it felt like their whole relationship got flipped on its head.He couldn't exactly say he minded.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t like Nursey was unused to kegsters, particularly after two years of being on the Samwell Men’s Hockey team, but maybe he’d forgotten what a true frat party was like over the summer. Because being “home” meant all the parties he went to were masquerading as being way more high-class than they really were, and if there  _ was  _ a keg in sight, it was only a log of some specialty craft beer or another -- and not a single person would ever be caught dead drinking something like  _ tub juice _ . Sangria, maybe, but that was basically in an entirely different league. Such was the case amongst the people he knew from the Upper East Side, though they rarely spent their summers there, preferring to escape the city to the Hamptons or, like Nursey’s family, Martha’s Vineyard to houses that cost more money than many people could even dream of. It wasn’t like Nursey was embarrassed by the way he’d grown up or how his family lived; he knew he was fortunate. But when he returned to Samwell, where the population was markedly less… high-class, the difference became all too stark.

And so it only made sense that the first kegster of the year might have him feeling just a little out of place as he reacclimated to his college life. He’d missed Samwell, and the guys, and the Haus, a hell of a lot over the summer, and he was overjoyed to be back -- and not only back, but living there full-time instead of having to trek across campus every day to steal some of the endless pie that came out of Bitty’s kitchen. (Even though it was technically the Haus’s kitchen, everyone knew it  _ really _ belonged to Bitty.) Sure, dibs hadn’t worked out quite the way he’d hoped, and living with Dex had been… an experience, so far – and that was putting it lightly. But Nursey wouldn’t trade any of this for the world.

Still, the living room was crowded, and loud as Haus parties always seemed to be – and the stereo was blaring some shitty pop music rather than the sweet playlist he’d spent an hour and a half putting together, which he figured meant Bitty was drunk enough to not care anymore about switching it over. It seemed like everyone was drunk enough for  _ something _ , and Nursey was so, so glad he wasn’t as much of a lightweight as Bitty or Dex or, god forbid, Chowder. He was pretty sure Chowder had been completely trashed since halfway through his second Natty Light. It would’ve been sad, if it weren’t so fucking hilarious.

Despite that, he was admittedly still pretty drunk. It was sort of a rite-of-passage in acquiring one of the rooms attached to the bathroom with the bathtub that Shitty and Lardo had taught him how to make the tub juice, and even though he’d already had a fair amount of it he still didn’t even want to  _ think _ about the ingredients. Of course he was still chill, he was always chill. He just… needed a second. And some air. And by “air” he really meant “a smoke.”

He made his way up the stairs and ducked under the caution tape roping off the top. He fumbled with his key just a little and only dropped it like, once before managing to get into the room he now shared with Dex, and looked around for his vape pen, fully intending to spend a little quality personal time out in the Reading Room -- only for his eyes to land on a familiar shock of red hair, instead. “Oh. Hey,” he greeted automatically, the slight surprise registering in the way he hesitated in the doorway before actually entering the room. “Didn’t realize you were in here. Why aren’t you downstairs?”

Dex was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at something on his phone, his brow furrowed in deep concentration. He jumped a little at Nursey’s voice, and Nursey really had to bite back a burst of laughter that he knew would just piss Dex off. “Oh. It’s  _ you _ ,” Dex said, and dropped his phone on the bed next to him. Nursey rolled his eyes and decided not to dignify that with a response. “I just needed a second. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Dex,” Nursey said.

“What?” he snapped.

“Chill.”

“Oh my god. Fuck off.” This time Nursey actually did laugh, which made Dex’s face go red in the way that Nursey always got such a goddamn kick out of. “Besides, what are  _ you _ doing up here? I figured you’d be downstairs getting all schwasted and trying to pick up girls all night.”

“Needed a second,” Nursey echoed, and Dex scoffed. He crossed the room to his desk to grab his vape pen. “And also this.”

“I still can’t believe you fucking  _ vape _ . Like, could you possibly  _ be _ any more of an insufferable hipster?”

“Probably. You haven’t met my friends from back home. You’d hate them even more than you do me.”

Dex apparently, for once, didn’t have a response to that. Nursey moved to the window and pushed it open. The cool night air felt nice. It wasn’t stiflingly hot out anymore, but most days still definitely felt like summer, the season not quite on the edge of changing just yet. Like it knew winter was coming eventually, and it was reluctant to creep any closer.

Hm. He should write that down, he thought as he took a drag and blew it out the window. He retrieved his phone from his back pocket and wrote a quick note.

It was actually sort of comfortable to be in the relative silence, the music of the party below muffled and the voices of the few people out on the porch and the lawn carrying into the room. He’d always been content to find little moments like this, where he could just kind of let his thoughts drift wherever they might lead. He thought everyone could stand to, really – people didn’t make enough time for things like that. Stop and smell the roses, as the old adage went, no matter how cliché Nursey found such sayings.

“I don’t hate you, you know,” came a quiet voice from behind him. Surprised, Nursey turned back into the room, but Dex wasn’t looking at him. He appeared to be fixated on a loose thread on his comforter, which he was picking at. “Really. We’re just… different, and I think that’s hard sometimes, and sometimes I get so nervous around you that I don’t even know what to do so I just kind of lash out and make a mess of things.”

“You get nervous around me?” Nursey blinked, entirely unsure of what to do with this information. Now he  _ knew _ Dex was drunk, because drunk one-on-ones were historically the only brief moments of candor Nursey had ever managed to get out of the guy. “Why?”

“I don’t know. You’re just like, so chill, all the time, like, unreasonably so. Nothing seems to bother you. Well, except me. I guess in a way I’m kind of… jealous. Because  _ everything _ bothers me. I wish I could be more like that.”

Nursey sighed. He took another quick drag then crossed to his desk and dropped the pen back down before joining Dex on his bed. “Bro, you don’t bother me,” was the only thing he could really think to say in response to that.

“It feels like I do,” Dex mumbled. “I just, I dunno, feel like you’re judging me all the time.”

“I mean, yeah, we butt heads. A lot. And you can be kind of a dick sometimes.” Dex shot Nursey a sharp look. “But,” Nursey continued, “I’m really like, the last thing from judgmental, and I’d seriously never judge you for your outbursts or whatever. Especially now I know it’s because you’re insecure around me or whatever. I get that. Although I wish you wouldn’t be, you’re a pretty cool dude in your own right.” He grinned and bumped his shoulder up against Dex’s affectionately.

“You – you think I’m cool?” Dex asked. Nursey nodded fervently, causing Dex to let out an awkward little laugh. “I don’t think anyone’s ever described me as cool in my entire life.”

“You are a little high-strung,” Nursey allowed, “But I dunno, it’s really obvious that you like,  _ care _ about shit. And I like that.” Nursey turned to face Dex a little more fully, and his hand fell to the mattress to hold himself up – and landed directly on Dex’s hand. They both stared at their hands for a long moment. Neither pulled away. “I like you,” Nursey added, quietly, half-hoping Dex would actually pick up on just how deep that sentiment ran.

Nursey’s feelings for Dex were still all kinds of conflicted. The guy got under his skin all the fucking time, and at first he’d thought the way he obsessed about Dex was just because he pissed Nursey off. He didn’t know when it’d turned into more than that, or why, but it’d been increasingly difficult to ignore, particularly once the dreams had started. He’d lost count of how many times he’d jolted awake in the middle of the night, his entire body feeling like it was on fire and thoughts of Dex flooding his mind.

He’d given up on trying to banish the images his subconscious had conjured up before sliding his hand into his boxers to finish what it had started after the first couple times.

The more he tried to work out the feelings, the more complicated they seemed to become, which was total bullshit because Nursey was usually super in touch with his emotions. But he could wax poetic about his relationship with Dex all day (and had, in fact, for the final project for his advanced poetry seminar last semester, not that  _ anyone _ could ever know who he’d been writing about), but it never seemed to help.

He’d gotten a stellar grade on that assignment, though. So he guessed his feelings were worth  _ something _ . Not much, but something.

“Nurse,” Dex said, and there was something in his voice, and the way Nursey could  _ swear _ Dex’s eyes flicked down to his lips for just a second, and the way they were still basically holding hands, and–

“Can I kiss you?” Nursey blurted.

Oh god.

They both stared at each other in shocked silence for a long minute, which was finally broken by Dex asking, “What?”

Oh  _ god _ . That was so not chill. That was probably the least chill thing Nursey had ever done in his goddamn life. It was decidedly unchill. It was… it was fucking  _ lame _ . He opened his mouth to take it back, or maybe laugh it off, but instead what came out was more embarrassing word vomit. “I mean, I just thought maybe – I really do mean it, when I say I like you, and honestly I think about you all the goddamn time, and it’s chill if you don’t want to I get that this is super weird and–“

“Okay,” Dex interrupted.

Nursey blinked at him. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Dex glanced at Nursey’s face, and then quickly looked away again, his focus appearing to once again fall on their hands, which still rested atop one another on the mattress. “I mean, I’ve never kissed a guy before, but…”

“That’s chill,” Nursey said quickly. “It really isn’t so different from kissing girls.”

This time it was Dex’s turn to blink at Nursey in surprise. “You – you’ve hooked up with guys before? What, like… how much?”

“Enough,” Nursey said vaguely, shrugging one shoulder. “It doesn’t have to be weird, though. Like, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to.” Dex moved a little closer, looking both determined and nervous as hell. It was kind of hot. Nursey grinned at him in a way that was almost shy, then leaned in and kissed him.

Dex was hardly the most practiced, or the most coordinated, in terms of kissing. Nursey learned that quickly as they kept bumping noses. And also his lips were pretty chapped. But they were warm, and the clumsy way Dex kissed was undeniably enthusiastic, and Nursey was so hopelessly endeared by it that he hardly knew what to do with himself. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss more, one of his hands curled around the back of Dex’s neck, and was rewarded by Dex knotting his hands in Nursey’s shirt to pull him closer, his lips parted.

He was – he was kissing Dex. He was kissing  _ Dex _ , his roommate, his teammate, the guy who had been an enormous headache to him since day fucking one. The guy he couldn’t seem to stop dreaming about, the guy who sang and danced along to swing music when he thought no one was looking, the guy whose smile was so rare but so nice that Nursey couldn’t help an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment each time he earned one.

And somehow, he was okay with it.

More than okay, maybe, he thought as he explored the inside of Dex’s mouth with his tongue, eliciting a little shiver from Dex. Yeah, definitely more than okay, he decided as his hands slid down Dex’s shoulders and carefully started unbuttoning his shirt.

Dex jerked back, and Nursey froze.

It took a second for him to gather his thoughts enough to string anything even a little bit coherent together, particularly once he noticed how red Dex’s cheeks and lips were, how dazed he looked, and Nursey wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him. But he really,  _ really _ didn’t want to push. “Is this okay?” he asked, his hands still at the third button on Dex’s shirt. He didn’t move away, but he didn’t move closer, either.

Dex stared at him in silence for another long minute, and Nursey was just about to get up and apologize and tell him to forget the whole thing when he looked away and swore under his breath. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s okay.”

“You sure?”

“ _ Yes _ , Nurse.” And as if to prove it Dex knocked Nursey’s hands out of the way and made quick work of the rest of the buttons himself, then let his shirt slide off his shoulders. Nursey let out a little laugh and tugged his tank top off over his head as well, which ended up knocking off his snapback along with it.

They both just kind of stared at each other for a long minute. They’d seen each other in varying states of undress before, sure – they shared a locker room, and now they  _ lived _ together, so it was entirely unavoidable. But this was different, because instead of stolen glances Nursey was actually allowing himself to look. He was pleased to note that the blush on Dex’s cheeks had spread all the way to his shoulders and chest. He trailed his fingers up the freckles on Dex’s bicep.

“Can I–“

Before Nursey could finish his question, Dex was tugging him in for another kiss.

Of all the times Nursey had imagined this – which was a lot, he was finally able to admit to himself – it had never gone quite like this, never with the nose bumping and the teeth clacking which led to little laughs and apologies, and never had he pictured Dex to be so  _ into it.  _ Enough that his eagerness only seemed to be making him even more clumsy, and his fingers were all tangled in Nursey’s hair, which felt really, really nice. He didn’t resist at all as Nursey carefully guided him onto his back, and once their chests were pressed together he could actually feel Dex’s heart thudding next to his and it made his stomach twist in a weird little knot of affection that he didn’t really know what to do with.

 

He pulled back just enough to kiss down Dex’s jaw and neck. Dex let out a shaky sigh. “Okay?” Nursey mumbled against his skin.

 

“Yeah,” Dex breathed. Nursey found the spot where he could feel Dex’s pulse thrumming and gently closed his teeth over the skin. “Ah -- yeah, s’good…”

 

Nursey just hummed his agreement. It  _ was _ good, and he felt way more drunk than he had off just the tub juice. He liked kissing, and touching, and being intimate with people -- he always had. He was just that type of person, he guessed. There was something so satisfying about skin against skin, and slow, deep kisses, and making his partner gasp and moan. Dex was just kind of letting Nursey take the lead, and he figured it was because Dex was probably less experienced -- he didn’t know how much Dex had done with girls, but he didn’t think it was a lot. Nursey didn’t mind. He sucked out a little bruise at the base of Dex’s neck, and Dex whimpered, his nails digging into the skin on Nursey’s shoulder blade. He squirmed a little beneath Nursey, and that was when Nursey realized the thing digging into his hip was Dex’s dick.

 

Oh. Wow. Okay.

 

He didn’t know why it surprised him, because it seemed more or less natural that that was where they were headed, and Nursey was getting kind of hard himself. But the realization sent a little shiver down Nursey’s spine. He rolled his hips, slowly but very pointedly grinding their erections together through their jeans. Dex let out a choked little gasp and went completely rigid underneath Nursey.

 

“Alright?” Nursey asked again.

 

“Oh my god.” Dex sounded annoyed, so Nursey looked at him, and despite the flush of his face and the glaze over his eyes he  _ looked _ annoyed. “ _ Yes, Derek. _ It’s fine. So you can stop fucking  _ asking _ .”

 

Nursey’s laugh was cut off when he was pulled into another hard kiss.

 

(He was pretty sure he could count the number of times Dex had called him by his first name on one hand. But it did things to him, things that had him rolling his hips again, all too satisfied by the little sound it drew out of Dex.)

 

He wasn’t sure how long they’d been at it, or when exactly Dex’s hands had ended up gripping his ass for better leverage, or why it felt so good to have Dex suck on his lower lip like that, by the time Dex broke off the kiss with a strangled little moan. “Fuck, Nurse,” he breathed, sounding absolutely wrecked. “I can’t--”

 

“It’s okay,” Nursey told him, brushing the hair off Dex’s forehead with one hand, their hips still crashing together somewhat erratically. “I got you, it’s okay.”

 

Dex’s back arched and his entire face screwed up like he was thinking really hard about something, and honestly Nursey might’ve laughed if he weren’t so busy being turned on by the way Dex was moaning and the wet spot he could feel blooming from Dex’s jeans and soaking into his own. He didn’t really even have time to regret that they’d never even made it to removing their pants before his own vision was going white and his jaw fell slack as he stuttered his way through his own release.

 

It was sort of ridiculous that they’d managed to get off just by rutting against each other mostly-clothed but he supposed they really were a couple of horny barely-twenty year old boys, and Nursey knew he at least had probably gotten off to less. And, honestly, this was pretty far up on his list of good orgasms. He just kind of lay there on top of Dex for a while, both of them panting, Nursey’s skin still feeling like it was on fire everywhere it touched Dex’s. Suddenly, Nursey let out a breathy laugh.

 

“What?” Dex asked, his voice cracking. For once he sounded more amused than anything, and when Nursey looked at him he was looking back with a dazed little smile, his face more red than Nursey had ever seen it.

 

“Nothing. I just can’t believe that just happened,” Nursey said. Dex rolled his eyes. “You look really damn good like this.”

 

When he leaned in, Dex kissed him back without hesitation, one of his hands sliding into Nursey’s hair, and from the way Nursey’s heart was still racing he had a feeling he might be in very big trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [so close -- andrew mcmahon in the wilderness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpNNwb8jkGA)
> 
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> i was debating posting this until i'd finished more of it but i got excited... this is the first time i've written a multi-chap in a LONG time so please be patient with me ;o;
> 
> shoutout to wendee for listening to me ramble about these gay losers for hours on end and rping them with me... some of dex's dialogue in this chapter is lifted from our rp but not much. still ur the best ilu
> 
> i already have the second chapter finished but i wanna try to stay ahead of things so i'm not making any specific update schedule or anything, playin things by ear
> 
> hmu @ [tumblr](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com)!!


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't like Nursey to wake up in the morning at a complete loss for words to describe the night before, but there was a first time for everything. And this sure had been a first for a _lot_ of things.

 

His return to consciousness was a slow one, and the first thing he was aware of was his splitting headache. Fuck, he really shouldn't have had so much tub juice last night. Even though he knew exactly what was in it because he was the one who'd _made_ it, he'd still managed to be fooled by the deceptive way it didn't taste like alcohol in the slightest. He grumbled and wriggled closer to the warm body in bed next to him, regretting basically all of his life decisions.

 

And then he realized there was a warm body in bed next to him.

 

Had he hooked up with someone last night? _Who?_ He vaguely remembered flirting with some girl from his Brit Lit class early in the evening, but he'd lost track of her not too long after... He didn't think he'd met back up with her later on, but he supposed it was possible?

 

He tried to think about it more, running through the somewhat foggy events of the previous night. And then his mind settled on Dex. Disjointed thoughts of a too-honest conversation, of impulsively asking to kiss him, of Dex's lips under his and his skin under Nursey's hands.

 

Oh.

 

Oh _no._

 

He squeezed his eyes shut more tightly. It was another one of his weird dreams again. It had to be. There was no way that had actually _happened_.

 

But then he _opened_ his eyes and found his face buried in a mess of short, bright red hair. Dex's short, bright red hair. Dex, who he was spooning, who seemed to be dead asleep and was very far from fully dressed. (As was Nursey, he noted a second later.)

 

_Oh hell fucking no._

 

He jolted upright, and realized far too late that they were in Dex's bed, not his. Which meant that by sitting up he managed to smack his head on the underside of his own bed, bunked above Dex's. _"Fuck!"_ he said, none too quietly. And then Dex began to stir, and his heart just about stopped. Running on adrenaline and sheer instinct, he threw himself out of the bed, dashed into the bathroom, and ran right through until he came out the other side into Chowder's room.

 

Chowder was asleep, but he rolled over to face Nursey when he burst into the room. "Nursey?" he mumbled, his eyes barely cracked open. "What..."

 

"Shh," Nursey hissed, his back against Chowder's bathroom door. He turned his head so his ear was pressed up against the wood. After he listened for a minute or two, during which Chowder sat up and rubbed his eyes and there was silence from the other side of the door, he took a few more steps into Chowder's room and sighed.

 

"Nursey," Chowder said carefully, "Why are you naked and in my room at..." he peeked at the clock on his bedside table, "Eight in the morning on a Sunday?"

 

"I'm not naked."

 

"You're basically naked."

 

Nursey huffed because he was _not_ basically naked, he was wearing boxers, there was a difference. He crawled onto Chowder's bed and grabbed one of the giant stuffed sharks sitting nearby and clutched it to his chest.

 

“Don’t use my shark to cover your _shame!_ ” Chowder protested, appalled. Nursey ignored him.

 

"C, I think something really, really bad happened last night, and I have no clue what to do about it."

 

"Oh my gosh, are you okay? Did someone die??"

 

"What? No."

 

"Almost die?"

 

"No! Oh my god Chowder no one died!"

 

"Then what happened?"

 

Nursey fell quiet, unable to meet Chowder's gaze. He felt like he might be sick, and it had absolutely nothing to do with his hangover. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. On the one hand, if he told Chowder what had happened, he wouldn't have to deal with all this shit alone. And Chowder was a weird guy but he actually gave pretty decent advice. But on the other... if he told Chowder what happened, that meant admitting it out loud. That someone would _know_. God, this whole situation was so fucked up.

 

So, before he could second-guess himself, he blurted, "I hooked up with Dex."

 

"You what?" Chowder blinked. "Wait. You -- you _what?!"_

 

"Shh!" Nursey said again, shooting a fervent look towards the bathroom door.

 

"You're joking, right? This is a weird prank? Ha ha you got me Nursey really funny!" Chowder's voice was still increasing in volume, and starting to sound a little hysterical.

 

"Oh my fuck Chowder shut up!"

 

"Definitely a joke, yep, there's no way you _hooked up with--_ "

 

With that Nursey just wrestled Chowder into a sort of choke hold and clapped a hand over his mouth. Chowder was still yelling, but at least his words were unintelligible now. "Chowder I swear to god if you tell _anyone_ about this--"

 

He fell suddenly silent. There was movement on the other side of the door. After a moment, there was a knock, and then Dex stuck his head into Chowder's room from the bathroom. Nursey was relieved to see that Dex had at least put a shirt and pajama pants on, though Nursey could still feel his face heating up just at the sight of him. "What's going on, are you guys okay?"

 

Chowder squirmed and yelled something,  pointing wildly back and forth between Dex and Nursey, forcing Nursey to tighten his hold. "Yep we're fine everything's chill just having an early morning bonding sesh don't worry about it!" Nursey told Dex.

 

Dex looked between the two of them with a weird look, then just rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just keep it down, all the _normal_ people are still trying to sleep." With that, he disappeared back into the bathroom, and after a second Nursey could hear the door on their side shut again.

 

In his state of shock, Chowder was able to shove Nursey off. "Did you really?" he demanded, his voice thankfully at a more normal volume this time. “He -- did he have a hickey, Nursey, did _you_ …?”

 

"I don't know if he remembers," Nursey whispered, still staring at the bathroom door. "He was really, really drunk. We both were."

 

"Oh wow. You're serious," Chowder breathed. Nursey just kind of slowly nodded. "Nursey! This is _awesome!_ "

 

"On what fucking planet could this possibly be awesome?"

 

"Well, cause you're my best friends, and if you started dating -- "

 

"We're not going to start dating -- "

 

"That would be so cool, and like... Wait, do you even like boys?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Really? Since when?"

 

"Uh, since always? I don't know." Nursey shrugged one shoulder, his clutch on the shark tightening defensively. "I mean, I like girls too. I never really saw it as a big deal, I guess. And I haven't really gotten with any guys around here, or not seriously anyways, so I dunno, it just never came up."

 

"Oh. That's cool," Chowder said with a grin. Nursey offered him a small smile back. "I still think you should date him."

 

"Oh my god I'm not going to date him."

 

“Why not?” Chowder’s voice was creeping dangerously close to a whine.

 

“Uh, because he’s _Dex?_ ”

 

“So? I mean I know you guys get on each other’s nerves and stuff, but don’t even try to pretend that you’re not friends. Or that you don’t like him.” Nursey shot Chowder an unamused look. “Oh, come on. Now that I know, thinking about it, it’s _so obvious._ Wait -- Nursey!” Chowder started excitedly hitting Nursey’s arm. Nursey batted him away. “That poetry project you did last semester, was that about _him?!_ ”

 

Nursey groaned and slumped further into Chowder’s bed. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you read those.”

 

“Oh my god. Ohhhh my _god_ Nursey you _need_ to ask him out.”

 

“I don’t _need_ to do anything.”

 

“As captain I order you to ask him out.”

 

“C, that’s not how being captain works and you know it.”

 

“Worth a shot,” Chowder said with a sheepish little grin. Nursey just rolled his eyes. “Don’t you think he likes you back?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Nursey fidgeted sort of uncomfortably. This was so weird to talk about. “It sort of seemed like it last night, but like I said he was pretty drunk. He just said… I make him nervous.”

 

“Yeah, he’s told me that before too,” Chowder mused.

 

“What, really? What else has he told you?” Nursey was trying not to sound too interested, but he knew he was failing miserably, particularly from the way Chowder was laughing at him.

 

“I don’t know. Just that he never knows how to act around you? Once he said he wants you to like him, and it really bothers him that you don’t, or at least that it seems like you don’t. Which is sort of understandable, because you have to admit, you do kind of tend to rile him up.”

 

“He just makes it so easy,” Nursey protested. “It’s not my fault it’s hilarious when he gets pissed off over nothing.”

 

Chowder gave him A Look before continuing. “Well, he feels like he always messes everything up when he tries to talk to you. Now that I think about it more, maybe he’s like that because he has a crush on you, you know? He’s not really like that around anyone else. Besides, it’s not like Dex is all that in touch with his emotions… He probably doesn’t even realize that he likes you.”

 

“He doesn’t like me.” Despite his protest, Nursey couldn’t help but think maybe Chowder had a point. It _did_ kind of make sense, thinking about it that way, with how Dex lashed out at him so much and apparently wanted Nursey to like him. It was just… a lot to think about. Chowder stayed quiet, clearly realizing that continuing to press the point wasn’t getting anywhere, and after a long stretch of silence Nursey sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and stood up. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m going back to sleep.”

 

“Okay.” Chowder grabbed the stuffed shark and carefully put it back where it belonged. Just as Nursey opened the bathroom door, he added, “Hey, if you wanna talk more? You know where to find me?”

 

“Thanks, C.”

 

Nursey only took a brief pit stop to actually use the bathroom before heading back into his and Dex’s bedroom. He paused for a moment, his eyes falling on Dex, who was laying on his side facing away from Nursey, apparently asleep if the steady rise and fall of his shoulders was anything to go by. Nursey wondered what would happen if he just crawled back into Dex’s bed and went back to sleep right there, holding him.

 

“God fucking damnit,” Nursey said to himself under his breath, then quietly climbed the ladder and collapsed in his own bed.

 

_/  .  \\_

 

They didn’t talk about it.

 

It wasn’t like Nursey found this particularly surprising, especially considering he was half the reason it was never brought up. He’d thought about it so many times. He’d almost started to say something on at least three separate occasions.

 

But he didn’t.

 

Dex, for his part, seemed perfectly content to just pretend the whole thing never happened. It was enough to make Nursey start to think maybe Dex  _ had _ been too drunk to remember. But that didn’t quite fit with how Dex had gotten even more short with him than usual, and avoided being alone with him at all costs, and rarely met Nursey’s eyes.

 

Overall, it was a pretty shit time, and Nursey had a lot of regrets.

 

Others were noticing, too, and not just Chowder. Because it had started to leak over into  _ everything _ . Nursey was behind on a couple assignments. He knew for a fact Dex had flunked a quiz in one of his classes because he’d overheard Bitty trying to comfort him over it. He didn’t even feel comfortable in his own bedroom, and it couldn’t have been any better for Dex. He was seriously starting to consider just moving out already.

 

Practices took the hardest blow, and with their first game fast approaching as autumn deepened, the stress only seemed to add to the tension, which created more stress. It was a vicious cycle, and it was a rare day they could make it off the ice without getting into some sort of an argument. No one seemed to know what to do about it, least of all Nursey, and if things continued the way they’d been he and Dex would likely singlehandedly sabotage the entire season for the rest of the team.

 

“How the  _ hell _ did you miss that?” Dex was demanding as he watched the puck he’d tried to pass Nursey go flying towards the boards. “That was a good pass, there’s no reason you shouldn’t have gotten it.”

 

Nursey scoffed. “If that’s what you call a  _ good _ pass I’d hate to see one you thought was bad.”

 

“Yeah? It’s not like yours are ever any better, maybe if you actually  _ paid attention _ to what you were doing for once--”

 

“ _ Enough! _ ” Everyone turned towards Chowder, who had taken his mask off and was looking very distressed. He didn’t yell often, preferring more positive and encouraging tactics, and Nursey felt a deep sense of guilt in his stomach knowing he and Dex had been causing enough problems to get even Chowder worked up like this. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two,” Chowder continued, although he shot a very pointed look in Nursey’s direction, “But we have a game in less than a week and you need to pull it together. Otherwise, I -- I’m gonna have to bench you. I’m sorry.” And, because he was Chowder, it was obvious his apology was incredibly genuine.

 

“What? That’s not--”

 

“Sorry, C,” Nursey said, cutting Dex off before he could finish that thought and dig them even deeper. “We’ll work on it.”

 

Dex glared at him, but thankfully stayed quiet.

 

Chowder just looked between the two of them for a long time, and it was ridiculously uncomfortable being the center of attention with the rest of their teammates scattered about the rink just watching all this, until finally he sighed and said, “Okay. Well. Good work today everyone, I think we can call it. Not -- not you two. Stay back and run a few more drills. Please.”

 

Nursey nodded. Dex scowled and skated off to get the puck as everyone else started to file off the ice.

 

“Hey,” Nursey called once they were alone. “Let’s try that last one again, yeah?”

 

They skated in near silence, and despite the lack of communication they did actually seem to improve a bit, maybe because now they were both actually paying attention to what they were doing. Or at least not yelling at each other anymore. It was a marginal improvement, but by the time they finally hit the showers nearly an hour later, Nursey was feeling just the tiniest bit better about things.

 

Dex got changed faster than Nursey had ever seen, and he knew it was because Dex just couldn’t stand being alone with him for another second. He was already grabbing his bag and heading towards the door by the time Nursey had even gathered his thoughts enough to say anything.

 

“Dex.”

 

He half-turned back to Nursey, and glanced towards the door, clearly uncomfortable. “Yeah?”

 

“Look. I know we never like, talked about--”

 

“Nothing happened,” Dex interrupted quickly, before Nursey could get any more words out.

 

“Okay,” Nursey said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “If that’s how you wanna play it, sure, nothing happened. But like, we gotta move past it, okay? For the team.”

 

Dex was quiet for a long minute. Finally, he mumbled, “I’m gonna be late to class,” and all but ran out the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all welcome back!! (or if you're just joining in, then welcome!!) i'm gonna try really hard to keep updates on a more or less weekly basis, but as i said before i haven't written a multi-chap in a while so i very much appreciate your patience!!
> 
> some notes:  
> \- nursey's conversation with chowder is actually the first part of this fic that i wrote!! i went back and added the first chapter afterwards  
> \- nursey changed into clean boxers before he and dex fell asleep the night before, he wasn't on chowder's bed in dirty underwear that'd be nasty  
> \- i know it's really unusual for goalies to be team captain (there's actually a rule against it in the nhl!! but the ncaa doesn't have that rule) and also this little headcanon of mine will probably be made redundant very soon but i just LOVE CHOWDER SO MUCH HE'D BE SUCH A GOOD CAPTAIN OK...... this is the great thing about transformative content. i can just make chowder captain. that's it he's captain now  
> \- chowder is the biggest nurseydex shipper of all
> 
> the next chapter will be WAY less angsty but i can't promise it'll last bc i am all about that drama u feel (it'll also be longer, this chapter is kinda short sorry!!)
> 
> also i'm working on a playlist for this fic!! i only have a couple things on there so far so i'll probably link it in the next chapter or the one after, but if anyone has any songs they wanna suggest that'd be awesome i'd love to hear o:
> 
> thanks for all your kudos, comments, etc. i'm so glad you're liking the fic and it's wildly encouraging!! see you again soon!!!!
> 
> hmu @ [tumblr](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com)!!


	3. Chapter 3

They won their first game.

 

It was nothing short of a miracle, and a fucking incredible goal from Whiskey in double overtime, but what was more of a miracle was that Nursey and Dex made it through the whole game without snapping at each other once. Dex never said anything about their brief conversation in the locker room, but had seemingly taken Nursey’s words to heart, because he had been slightly more patient since then.

 

It was a start.

 

Spirits were high all around as they headed back to the Haus, Nursey and Dex each tucked under one of Chowder’s arms as he babbled on about the highlights from the game, and how proud he was of them, and how glad he was that they’d worked out their issues. Dex even cracked a few jokes at Nursey’s expense, much to Nursey’s immense pleasure.

 

This was  _ way _ better than the stewing tension and silent treatments they’d been wallowing in the past few weeks.

 

The kitchen was crowded, as everyone tried to keep Bitty company as he whipped up some victory pie, and he kept trying  to shoo them out. Nursey ended up getting permanently banned (or at least for the rest of the night) after he and Chowder did a little too much rough housing that ended up with three eggs broken on the floor and approximately a pound of flour in Nursey’s hair. Surprisingly, because he was usually Bitty’s primary kitchen security guard, Dex joined them only a few minutes later. He sat on the other end of the disgusting green couch as Chowder, who was babbling happily about the game and how Farmer had been there and how she was  _ so proud _ of him and the whole team and how  _ he _ was so proud of the whole team and how “This is going to be a really great season you guys I can feel it!” His enthusiasm made Nursey grin, and when he glanced at Dex they caught each other’s gaze. Dex rolled his eyes, but he was smiling fondly as well. It was hard not to, with Chowder around.

 

Things felt normal for the first time in weeks, Nursey mused as he took a sip of his beer. It was more of a relief than he’d expected. He supposed in the back of his mind he’d been worried the strained, awkward tension would last forever, but Dex was finally starting to relax around him again, enough that they were able to go back to lovingly ganging up on Chowder and even play-fighting with each other a bit (as opposed to the  _ real _ fighting that had become a near-constant between them).

 

It was nice. He’d missed Dex’s friendship.

 

One by one, everyone trickled off to bed -- first the guys who had to trek away from the Haus to go back to their dorms or apartments, then Dex who was lame and had the sleep schedule of an old man, and Bitty who had an early train to Providence in the morning. Nursey was one of the last to drag himself up the stairs. He entered his and Dex’s room quietly, not wanting to wake up his roommate, and stripped down to his boxers and a tshirt in preparation for sleep. When he turned to the beds on the other side of the room, he saw Dex was passed out and drooling a little, his face softly illuminated from the streetlight filtering in through the window. He looked uncharacteristically peaceful, Nursey thought as he let himself watch, just for a minute. He had the overwhelming urge to go and brush Dex’s bangs off his forehead, which was enough to prompt him to ascend the ladder to his own bed and fall into a somewhat restless sleep.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

Honestly, Nursey wasn’t at all surprised when he jolted awake a few hours later, his skin crawling with restless energy and an aching heat between his legs that was impossible to ignore. It was just one of those nights. He grumbled and rolled onto his opposite side, facing the wall, and tried to go back to sleep. This was basically the  _ last _ thing he needed right now.

 

The room was silent except for Dex’s slow, steady breathing below him. Pointedly ignoring the screaming of his nerves, Nursey let his thoughts drift. The game against Dartmouth that night really had been great. He’d even been the one to make the goal that had tied up the score -- with the assist from Dex, of course. Dex had given Nursey the biggest grin at that. And when they’d  _ won _ , Dex had attacked Nursey in so fierce a hug they both nearly went toppling over. Dex came to his senses pretty quickly after that, and seemed to realize who exactly he was hugging, because he jerked back and his face was all red and Nursey was still just kind of stunned.

 

But even after Dex had backed off he was still grinning.

 

Nursey’s heart had been racing in his chest, and he’d wanted so badly to kiss that grin right off Dex’s face. Even though things had been so strained between them, now that he actually knew what it was  _ like _ to kiss Dex, he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it. He wanted to do it again. He wanted Dex to want him to do it again.

 

“Fuck,” he grumbled to himself under his breath and shifted uncomfortably. This train of thought was really not helping his current predicament.

 

He was never going to fall back asleep at this rate. His ears strained for a minute as he listened to Dex’s breathing. It hitched with a small snore, followed by the sounds of sheets rustling briefly, before evening out again. Definitely asleep, Nursey decided as he licked his palm and slid his hand into his boxers with a slightly shaky sigh.

 

He always felt a little weird about doing this with Dex in the same room, and he really did try to avoid it as much as possible. But it wasn’t like the Haus was all that big, and it was really difficult to get any sort of privacy. And admittedly, the idea that Dex could wake up and catch him at any second was just a little bit thrilling, particularly now that it didn’t seem entirely outside the realm of possibility that something might actually happen between them if he did. He couldn’t seem to stop hoping that what had happened at the kegster wasn’t just a one-time, drunken occurrence.

 

He shut his eyes and for a minute tried to just  _ not _ think, but when the images started to flood his mind, he let them. Memories of Dex’s lips under his, the way his skin had flushed all the way to his shoulders when Nursey looked at him, back to the way he’d hugged Nursey at the end of the game, his smile and the brightness of his gold eyes when they’d been teasing Chowder together, how it might feel if it were Dex’s hand on him rather than his own, clumsy and nervous but earnest--

 

“ _ Please, _ Dex-- Fuck,  _ fuck _ \--” he breathed, the words slipping out before he could stop them. He pressed his free hand over his mouth to stifle any more noises that might try to escape. Despite it, he heard a quiet whimper.

 

It took him a second to realize it hadn’t come from him.

 

He froze, his heart bursting in his chest in something that was somewhere between terrified and anticipatory. His ears strained for the sound of Dex’s sleeping exhales, but it was silent in the room.

 

Too silent. Almost as if Dex was actively holding his breath.

 

Nursey’s heart was racing as he whispered, “Dex?” His voice was a little breathy.

 

Dex didn’t answer right away, and Nursey was worried he might pretend to be asleep. Which would suck, because then Nursey would either have to once again attempt to go back to sleep with a raging hard-on, or finish himself off  _ knowing _ that Dex was awake, which would just be way too awkward. But finally, Dex answered in a shaky little voice, “Yeah?”

 

God, Nursey could hardly believe this was happening. He was half-convinced he was still dreaming. “Do you… want some help with that?” he asked carefully.

 

The silence stretched even longer this time, and maybe Nursey had misread the situation, maybe that little whimper he’d heard didn’t mean what he wanted it to, or maybe he’d imagined it, or maybe Dex was just perfectly content for them to take care of themselves and didn’t want Nursey to touch him again. But after a long minute, the sheets rustled, and Dex answered in a tiny voice, “Okay.”

 

Nursey didn’t waste any time clambering down the ladder. He crawled onto Dex’s bed, only to find Dex sitting up and watching him apprehensively, but even in the darkness of the room Nursey could tell his face was red.

 

“Hey,” Nursey said.

 

“Hi,” Dex said.

 

They just kind of stared at each other for a bit before Nursey once again asked the question that had started all of this. “Can I kiss you?”

 

Dex only hesitated for a second before nodding.

 

Nursey grinned at him and started to lean in. Thankfully, Dex met him halfway, and Nursey let out a soft breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. His hand curled around the back of Dex’s neck almost possessively, pulling him just a little closer, and Dex responded by parting his lips and shifting so he was half in Nursey’s lap.

 

At some point Nursey should probably be concerned about this happening again, considering how it’d gone after the last time they’d hooked up, but it felt a little different this time. Dex seemed just a bit more confident, and while last time Nursey had been waiting for Dex to shove him off or change his mind, he just kind of instinctively knew this time that it wasn’t going to happen. Dex actually wanted this, and the brief bits of hesitation he kept showing were because of something else, something deeper that Nursey didn’t think had all that much to do with him. He hoped Dex would talk to him about it at some point, but for now he was content to just wrap his arms around Dex’s waist and continue kissing him.

 

Dex, on the other hand, did  _ not _ seem content with just that, because before Nursey even realized it was happening the air between them had shifted into something more desperate and heated. Dex was fully in his lap now, pressed close with his knees on each side of Nursey’s hips, and he was tugging at Nursey’s tshirt. Nursey let him pull it off over his head and drop it to the floor. Dex wasted no time in pressing his lips to Nursey’s again, the kiss deep and filthy and where the  _ hell _ had Dex learned to do that thing with his tongue?

 

Nursey was okay with this turn of events. He was very,  _ very _ okay with it, if the little moans that kept escaping his chest and the way his hips kept kind of trying to roll up into Dex’s despite their less than advantageous position to do so were anything to go by. His hands ran down the sides of Dex’s thighs, and Dex pulled back from his lips in order to start kissing down his jaw and neck. He let out a little huff of air and tilted his head to give Dex more room, and carefully shifted one hand so he could palm at Dex’s erection through his pajama pants.

 

The surprised, strangled little moan his touch brought out of Dex made him shiver, and he wanted to hear Dex make more of those noises. He paused for a second though, still half-waiting for Dex to spook and call the whole thing off. But instead Dex just whined, “Nursey,” and pressed his hips into Nursey’s hand. Nursey let out an affectionate little laugh, which he was punished for by Dex nipping at the skin of his neck.

 

“Alright, alright, chill,” Nursey told Dex, amusement still evident in his voice. Dex grumbled and bit him again, which probably would’ve hurt if it didn’t feel so damn good. Nursey’s breath hitched, and he figured he’d better do something before Dex took any more of his frustration out on Nursey’s poor skin.

 

So he slid his hand into Dex’s pajama pants and wrapped his fingers around Dex’s cock, giving it a firm stroke. Dex’s jaw went slack, and his breath was hot and sharp where his face was still buried in the crook of Nursey’s neck, his fingernails digging into Nursey’s bicep just a little.

 

“Good?” Nursey murmured.

 

“Uh huh,” Dex said, and nodded, and then pressed his lips to Nursey’s in another bruising kiss that also served to stifle a moan. Encouraged, Nursey kissed him back, lazily exploring the inside of Dex’s mouth with his tongue as his hand worked its way up into a steady rhythm, pausing every once in a while so he could run his thumb over Dex’s slit, because he loved the way it made Dex whimper and buck into his hand just a little. It felt like there was heat radiating from every inch of Dex’s body, and his hands were running over Nursey’s chest like Dex couldn’t get enough of his bare skin, and Nursey couldn’t believe how ridiculously lucky he was.

 

Dex eventually had to break off the kiss because he was gasping for breath, and he pressed his forehead to Nursey’s, his eyelids fluttering. Nursey studied his face, so close parts of it were kind of blurry but he could still count every single freckle on Dex’s nose given the time. Dex glanced up, and their eyes met, and seeing the warmth of Dex’s eyes, the little gold flecks and the way his pupils were blown wide, made Nursey’s breath catch in his chest. They just kind of stared at each other for a minute, the only sounds their heavy breathing and Nursey’s hand on Dex’s skin, but it wasn’t long before Dex broke it with a whimper. “Nurse,” he said, and his eyes screwed up and he turned away, almost like he was embarrassed. It was cute, Nursey decided as his heart fluttered, and he mouthed slightly messy kisses along Dex’s jaw. His hand didn’t slow down at all, even when Dex started digging his nails into Nursey’s shoulder and biting his lower lip to hold in his moans as he spilled over, not until Dex was shaking and gasping and saying, “Stop, stop, holy shit.”

 

Nursey complied, and took his hand back, only briefly frowning at the sticky white fluid that coated his fingers before he wiped it off on Dex’s sheets. Whatever, he’d probably have wanted to wash them after this anyways. Dex was leaning heavily against him, his face buried in the crook of Nursey’s neck as he tried to catch his breath. Nursey wrapped his arms around Dex’s waist and just kind of held him, and pressed a few slow kisses into Dex’s hair.

 

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but by the time Dex finally backed off, his breathing was more or less normal again. His face was still ridiculously red, and he met Nursey’s eyes for only a second before looking away again, his shoulders slowly creeping up towards his ears.

 

“Okay?” Nursey asked, picking up on Dex’s obvious discomfort. And now Dex was probably going to freak out and get all weird again and they wouldn’t talk for another month.

 

Awesome.

 

“Yeah,” Dex said, taking Nursey a little by surprise. “I’m -- it was -- yeah. I’m good.” He met Nursey’s eyes again and offered him a tiny smile.

 

The grin on Nursey’s face was wide and relieved. “Cool,” he said, and leaned up to kiss Dex, who didn’t show any reluctance in kissing him back.

 

After a minute, Dex pulled away, looking just a little bit more at ease. “Do you want me to, um…” he started to ask, but trailed off and finished his question by pointedly glancing down to where Nursey’s boxers were doing a very bad job of hiding his erection.

 

“Only if you want to,” he told Dex, even though he wanted Dex to touch him so bad he could hardly stand it, and he was sort of dying from being hard for so long.

 

“I do,” Dex said quickly, and he looked back up at Nursey with a determined frown. “Trust me, I really…  _ really _ do.”

 

“Okay,” Nursey said, Dex’s insistence making his heart skip a beat. If there had been any doubt Dex wasn’t into what was happening before, there wasn’t now.

 

Dex’s eyes dropped again, focusing on his hand as he ran it down Nursey’s bare chest, and paused when his fingertips hit the waist of Nursey’s boxers.

 

Nursey’s heart was racing in his chest, and he felt like he might throw up from the overwhelming anticipation. He wanted to let Dex take it at his own pace, but  _ god  _ Dex’s hand was so close to where Nursey wanted it that he couldn’t help getting just a little frustrated. “Please?” he breathed, his hips pressing up into Dex’s hand before he could help it.

 

Dex glanced up at him for a second, then slid his hand beneath the cloth and carefully wrapped his hand around Nursey’s cock.

 

Nursey took a sharp breath, his eyelids fluttering. The touch was slight, but after being so starved for it it felt like heaven. Dex’s eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes firmly glued on what his hand was doing, so Nursey let his head rest back against the wall and watched Dex.

 

Dex’s movements were as awkward and uncertain as Nursey had imagined they might be, if not moreso, and it felt good but it wasn’t nearly enough to get the job done. After a few minutes, Dex let out a frustrated little huff, and frowned up at Nursey. “I’m not doing this right, am I?”

 

“I mean. There’s no way to do it  _ wrong _ , really,” Nursey assured him. Dex rolled his eyes like he didn’t believe him. “No, really, I mean it. Like, sure the angle is off but it’s really not much different than if you were doing it to yourself, okay? Maybe just, like, a little tighter?”

 

Dex bit his lower lip and nodded, and complied, which drew a little groan out of Nursey’s chest.

 

“Better,” he told Dex, and ran a hand through Dex’s hair.

 

Dex looked up at Nursey again with a shy smile, clearly pleased with the praise. “I’ve never, uh… done this before,” he said.

 

“I know. That’s okay,” Nursey said.

 

“No, I mean,” Dex continued, and talking seemed to have him less focused on and concerned about what the rest of him was doing, so his movements actually grew a little more sure of themselves. He twisted his wrist on the upstroke and Nursey’s breath caught. “With  _ anyone _ . Not even -- I’ve only really kissed people before.”

 

Nursey’s mind filled in the blank Dex didn’t seem willing or able to vocalize:  _ Not even with girls. _

 

“Why not?” Nursey’s head was filling with fog, and he was having trouble focusing on the conversation, even though he felt like it was important, like Dex might be admitting something not just to Nursey but to himself that had been simmering for a long time. He forced his eyes to stay open, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek as he tried to stifle a moan.

 

“I don’t know.” Dex shrugged one shoulder. “I guess I just… never wanted to.”

 

“But you want to with me.”

 

Dex nodded. “I’ve been trying not to,” he said, so quietly Nursey barely heard him.

 

“Why?”

 

He looked away and didn’t answer, and Nursey didn’t press the subject. He wasn’t in too much of a position to be asking questions anyways, considering his breathing was more gasps than not at this point. But apparently Dex wasn’t quite finished talking yet, because after a minute he added, “You said… uh, last time. You said you think about me a lot.”

 

“All the time,” Nursey confirmed.

 

“Really?” Dex’s smile was shy. 

 

Rather than answering verbally, Nursey’s hand curled around the back of Dex’s neck and gently pulled him into a kiss. Seemingly encouraged by the gesture, Dex’s hand sped up, which had Nursey whining and melting against him, the kiss turning messy.

 

It was sort of embarrassing how soon after that Nursey came, particularly considering how clumsy the whole thing had been, but at the same time it was  _ Dex, _ who had always done incredibly inexplicable things to Nursey. He moaned into Dex’s mouth as they continued kissing, his arms tightening their hold where they’d fallen around Dex’s waist. Dex’s hand paused for a second, almost like he was surprised by what was happening, before resuming to carry Nursey through his release.

 

The kiss slowly tapered off as Nursey came down, and he smiled at Dex, feeling warm and affectionate. Dex looked a little shell-shocked as he stared at the mess on his hand, like he’d never seen jizz before in his life. The thought made Nursey laugh.

 

“Shut up,” Dex snapped with a scowl.

 

“Chill,” Nursey told him.

 

“Oh my god. This was a mistake,” Dex muttered as he, like Nursey, wiped his hand off on his sheets. But there was no venom behind the statement, his tone more similar to the one he took when they were play-fighting rather than actual fighting, so Nursey wasn’t too concerned.

 

“Was it? I dunno, you seemed pretty into it,” Nursey teased, and he pulled Dex closer to him so he could press a few purposefully sloppy kisses to Dex’s face.

 

“Stop, stop!” Dex tried to push Nursey’s face away, but he was laughing too much for his protests to be at all believable. Nursey just kissed Dex’s palm as well. “God, Nurse, you should really shave your fucking hobo stubble, your face is so  _ scratchy _ .”

 

“My stubble is sexy,” Nursey said, pointedly ignoring the fact that Dex had a point, and that the only reason the stubble was always there was because his hair grew too goddamn fast for him to keep up with unless he shaved at least twice a day.

 

“It makes you look like a 40-year-old man.”

 

“A sexy 40-year-old man? Like a dilf or something?”

 

“No. A gross one who lives in his mom’s basement and hits on barely-legal girls on the internet.”

 

“Well now you’re just hurting my feelings, Poindexter. First of all, my mom doesn’t even  _ have _ a basement.” Dex scoffed, and Nursey couldn’t help but laugh. “I  _ guess  _ I could shave, though. If you insist.”

 

A surprised-looking smile spread on Dex’s face at that. “Really?”

 

“Sure, if you want me to,” Nursey shrugged one shoulder. “Not like I’m overly attached to it. Besides, if it means you’ll kiss me more…”

 

Dex laughed at the way Nursey was waggling his eyebrows. “Oh my god. Shut up.”

 

Nursey grinned, and leaned up to kiss Dex again, soft and sweet. Dex leaned into the kiss and relaxed against him, his fingers winding into Nursey’s hair.

 

He really thought he could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends!! updating a day early bc i have a busy weekend ahead!! i've been making some seriously good progress on this fic so i'm not too worried about sticking to my schedule, so i'd say it's safe to expect friday updates for the time being :')
> 
> i mentioned that i was working on a playlist, well [here it is](https://open.spotify.com/user/methequins/playlist/4eQrpAHqKEFfWMctqLGZPY)!! i'm probably gonna keep adding to it on occasion but i have some good stuff on there i think, and i was able to order it in a way that roughly echoes the mood changes of the fic so i'd suggest not putting it on shuffle :o
> 
> oh also thank you SO SO MUCH for all the kudos / comments / bookmarks / etc it's wildly encouraging, it's been a great way to get my feet wet in writing fic again and it's just making me want to work harder!!!! ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ i might actually start working on a oneshot in the near future too (still check please, but a different ship) so keep an eye out i guess...
> 
> whelp that's all for now, thanks for reading!! and hmu @ [tumblr](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com)!!


	4. Chapter 4

When Nursey woke up the next morning, he was in Dex’s bed still.

 

But unlike the night before, Dex wasn’t.

 

A surge of fear coursed through him, mostly in terms of not knowing what daylight would bring for the two of them. They’d talked more before falling asleep, but not about anything serious, or anything important. It was certainly likely that Dex would freak out now that he’d had more time to think about everything, and Nursey really didn’t want to go back to the constant arguing and heavy, awkward silences they’d only just been freed from.

 

He sat up, and, just like the last time he’d woken up here, immediately smacked his head on the underside of his own bed.

 

“Fuck,” he grunted, and rubbed the sore spot.

 

“Did you just hit your head?” Dex’s incredulous voice came from the other side of the room. Nursey turned and saw he was sitting at his desk, books and papers scattered around him, and now seemed to be trying not to laugh as he half-faced Nursey in his chair.

 

“Fuck off. I told you from the start that was why I didn’t want the bottom bunk,” Nursey grumbled. He wasn’t really much of a morning person.

 

“I didn’t think you meant it’d happen  _ every _ morning.”

 

“Yeah, well.” Nursey yawned and stretched. He noticed Dex was already fully dressed and seemed way too coherent to have just woken up. “How long you been up?”

 

“Two hours?” Dex had gone back to typing away on his laptop. “It’s almost noon, dude.”

 

“Seriously? Fuck, in that case I’m going the hell back to sleep.”

 

Dex just snorted out a short laugh.

 

Nursey crossed the room and draped himself over Dex’s shoulders, taking a peek at the screen of his computer as he did. “What’re you working on?”

 

Dex stiffened a little at the sudden physical contact, but he didn’t tell Nursey to get off, which Nursey supposed was a good thing. “PoliSci. I have a paper due next week.”

 

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person I know who would willingly spend a Saturday morning doing homework.”

 

“Yeah, well, some of us actually care about our grades.”

 

“Whoa, I care about my grades. I do great in class.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do homework. Like, literally even a single time.”

 

“What the fuck? I do homework  _ all _ the time. I could be doing homework right now, for all you know.”

 

Dex just gave Nursey an unimpressed look. Nursey took the opportunity to press a quick kiss to Dex’s cheek before wandering off into the bathroom.

 

He was halfway through brushing his teeth when Chowder came bursting into the bathroom from the opposite side. “Oh good, you’re up!” he said, also way too chipper for the time. Was Nursey really the only  _ normal _ person who actually enjoyed sleeping in around here? “You guys want to go to Jerry’s? I’m seriously craving waffles right now.”

 

“Dex,” Nursey called.

 

“Yeah?” came the reply, muffled from the other side of the door.

 

“We’re going to Jbrizzle with Chowder.”

 

“Okay,” Dex called.

 

“Yeah, we’re in,” Nursey told Chowder in a more normal volume.

 

“Cool.” Chowder grinned, then glanced at the shut door to Dex and Nursey’s room and added in a low voice, “I’m really glad you guys worked stuff out.”

 

“Yeah. Me too.”

 

Nursey went back to brushing his teeth, and Chowder just kind of kept grinning at him for a minute. When Nursey raised an eyebrow in question, Chowder shook his head and disappeared back into his own bedroom.

 

It wasn’t until after Nursey spat out his toothpaste and went to fix his hair in the mirror that he realized what Chowder had been staring at -- there was a ridiculously obvious bite mark on his shoulder. He poked at it a little, trying to be annoyed with Dex for leaving him with such an overt piece of evidence that they’d hooked up again, but he couldn’t help but smile instead.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

He shaved off his stubble before they headed out.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

Even though the bruise Dex had left on his shoulder was easily hidden by his shirt, which Nursey was grateful for, it wasn’t like it mattered all that much, because the guys all noticed it in the locker room, and of course he was chirped endlessly for it. He let them work under the assumption that he’d hooked up with some girl. He’d never been the type to kiss and tell, anyways.

 

Naturally, Dex was uncharacteristically quiet during that exchange, but he didn’t think anyone beyond him and Chowder noticed.

 

The two of them were playing together better than ever, moving like two halves of a whole on the ice. It was a stark contrast to the past few weeks, when they’d rarely been functioning in the same book, let alone on the same page. Nursey left every practice with a grin on his face. He’d noticed Ransom and Holster loudly whispering and glancing in his and Dex’s direction on multiple occasions, usually with the words “drift compatible” mixed somewhere in the conversation. Nursey didn’t think he’d go  _ that _ far, but it was undeniable their connection had strengthened.

 

Despite all that, nothing happened between them again. There were lots of casual touches, and good-natured chirps, but something was keeping Nursey from taking it anywhere past there again. Maybe it was nerves (which was ridiculous because Nursey didn’t  _ get _ nervous, he was too chill for that), or maybe he just didn’t want to tempt fate by fucking with the easy camaraderie they had going, but every time he thought about saying or doing something, he stopped himself at the last second. Dex couldn’t have cared too much, because he sure as hell hadn’t been trying to put any moves on Nursey, either.

 

Classes were seriously starting to ramp up, and Nursey felt like he barely had time to breathe, let alone think or worry about what the hell was going on between him and Dex. It didn’t really help that every time he and Chowder were alone for two seconds Chowder would start pestering him for details.

 

“Nothing’s happening,” Nursey hissed for what felt like the millionth time, cutting Chowder off as he started to speak. They were in the library doing homework, and Nursey was suffering through a horrendous bout of writer’s block. He had a short story due for workshopping in studio in a couple days, and the words just wouldn’t come out the way he wanted. Dex had only just wandered off to find a book he needed, and of course Chowder wasn’t going to waste the opportunity to try and pry some info out of Nursey. “Seriously, C, I need to work on this. Chill.”

 

“I just don’t understand why not,” Chowder whispered back. “Like, you’re into him, right? And he’s obviously into you so I don’t see what the problem is.”

 

Nursey let out a long sigh and snapped his laptop shut. This was clearly not going to be a productive writing session anyways. He might as well try to start in on the mountains of reading he had to do instead. “I don’t even know if he’s into me, though,” he mumbled as he started rummaging through his backpack. He really had to clean that thing out, there were way too many loose papers and junk in there. “Just because we hooked up a couple times doesn’t mean he’s into me in like, a  _ feelings _ way. Sex doesn’t always go hand-in-hand with that shit, you know? Maybe he was just experimenting, or whatever. Besides, I don’t even know if I’d want to date him, really, if he’d even be down for that.”

 

“You had  _ sex _ ?” Chowder squeaked.

 

Nursey cursed under his breath. Of course that would be the one thing Chowder pulled out of all that. “Not really? I mean, I guess it depends what you count as sex.” Chowder just stared at him blankly, so Nursey rolled his eyes and added, “We gave each other handjobs.”

 

“Oh.” Chowder frowned and after a minute asked, “Why wouldn’t you want to date him though?”

 

Nursey finally found the packet of short stories he’d been looking for and tried to smooth out the crumples a little. “I don’t know, it’d just make shit complicated, don’t you think? Dating is hard, and if we did and then broke up we’d still have to live together and see each other at practice all the time and shit. Doesn’t really seem worth it.”

 

Chowder gave him an incredibly sad look at that, and Nursey had to look away because it made something twist tight in his chest as it whispered that maybe Chowder had a point, that life was nothing without risks and he  _ wanted _ more from Dex than what they currently had. He really hadn’t actually done the whole relationship thing all that much, but there was a part of him that was definitely something of a hopeless romantic. Maybe it was his inner poet, but sometimes he thought he wanted nothing more than for someone to look at him like his body held galaxies, someone he could give his whole self to and then give some more. It hurt to think about, so he forced himself not to, save for when he funneled it into his writing.

 

Dex came back a few minutes later, complaining about not being able to find the book he’d been looking for. Nursey asked why he didn’t just look it up on the internet and Dex stared at him like he was an idiot but at the same time couldn’t seem to come up with a reason why he needed the actual physical book. Nursey laughed at him, and Dex told him to shut up and punched his shoulder.

 

It was normal, and Nursey wanted it to stay that way. And if he read the first page of the story he was supposed to be working on five times and didn’t take in a single word because Dex’s leg was pressed up against his under the table and it was all he could think about, well, he didn’t see why anyone had to know.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

He didn’t know if it had anything to do with Chowder’s little pep talk, but that night when he and Dex were in the living room alone, playing FIFA and chirping each other near constantly, Nursey kissed him on pure impulse. They made out for about five minutes before Dex jerked back, red-faced and stammering about how he’d forgotten something at the library, and all but ran out of the room.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

Nursey was half asleep when Dex came crashing into the room. It’d been a long day. Morning practice had been brutal, and he was pretty sure he’d done something to jack up his shoulder. His short story had gotten ripped to shreds in workshop, which was to be expected because it’d sucked ass. Then he’d had a Bio lab, which was his  _ least _ favorite class by far, and basically always put him in a shit mood. They had to leave early for a roadie the next day that Nursey was not particularly looking forward to, and he kind of just wanted to sleep for the entire night.

 

But judging by the way Dex was banging around, he didn’t seem to be in any better of a mood. Nursey sighed and sat up, his legs dangling off the edge of his bed. “Dude. You okay?”

 

“Fine,” Dex said tersely, pulling his chair so forcefully out from his desk that it nearly toppled over. He plopped down on it with a huff.

 

“Uh,” Nursey said. “You sure?”

 

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” Dex repeated. He was rummaging through his desk drawers now, the pens and other junk within clattering.

 

“Whoa, chill, Poindexter. You seem really riled up, but if you don’t wanna talk about it that’s cool--”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Nurse.” Dex finally stopped throwing things around in his desk and whirled on Nursey, and there was fire in his eyes. Nursey had seen that look before, and he knew there was nothing he could do to keep this from escalating to a fight. His stomach churned at the realization. Shit had been so  _ normal _ between them, he figured it was only a matter of time until something broke, but he’d been foolishly hoping that maybe it just… wouldn’t. That he could have the Dex that laughed at his jokes and gave him fist bumps after awesome plays and yeah, maybe sometimes kissed him, and everything would be good. But clearly life wasn’t that simple, and Dex wasn’t going to let it be that simple. Not now that Nursey had fucked it up yet again. “Why do you even care, anyways? It’s not like we’re  _ friends _ .”

 

“What?” Nursey blinked, honestly taken off-guard by that statement. Even during some of their worst arguments Nursey didn’t think he’d ever consider Dex anything less than a friend. “Bro, of course we are.”

 

“Seriously? Come the fuck on, Nurse.” Dex let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “Just because we play on the same line and you basically forced your way into being my roommate doesn’t make us  _ friends _ . You don’t know anything about me, not really. And I don’t care, it’s not like I’d want to be friends with a huge pain in the ass like you. I know you’ve suddenly decided you’re gay and have this weird crush on me or whatever--”

 

Nursey’s vision flashed red. He hopped down from his bed, landing heavily on the floor. “Shut your  _ fucking _ mouth, Poindexter, if you know what’s good for you,” he warned, his jaw clenched.

 

“Yeah? Or what?” Dex took a few steps toward Nursey, his face dark and intimidating. But Nursey wasn’t about to back down, not from this. “It’s sort of sad, really. I don’t know how you managed to delude yourself into thinking I actually care about you.”

 

Something inside Nursey broke. He felt like he might throw up. He was shaking, and furious, and upset, and he just -- he needed out. He needed to get out of here. He couldn’t do this, not here, not now. Maybe not ever. He was a goddamn idiot for letting himself hope that Dex might actually have feelings for him, that there might actually be something between them. Dex was right -- it was sad. Pathetic, really. And all the emotions Nursey usually kept so carefully locked up under a tight facade of chill were threatening to spill over, straining at the dam that was dangerously close to bursting. He needed  _ out _ . “What’s really sad is that you think I could ever like an enormous prick like you,” he snapped, surprised and a little bit relieved at how even his voice managed to come out. And then he grabbed his backpack and left, slamming the door behind him.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

It was late by the time he finally got back to the Haus that night, considering he’d intentionally stayed out well past the time Dex usually went to sleep. He’d gone to the gym and worked out his anger, until all that was left was a kind of hollow sadness that he didn’t know what to do with. So then he’d just smoked a lot of weed and written some really godawful poetry that would never see the light of day. He crept through the front hall quietly, under the assumption that everyone was already in bed, resting up for their game the next day.

 

“Nursey?” called a soft voice from the kitchen, and he just about had a heart attack.

 

He backtracked to hover in the doorway. Bitty was by the sink, washing dishes, with a fresh tray of mini pies cooling on the counter. “Christ, Bitty, I didn’t think you were still up.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep. Seems like midterms have been hard on everyone this week,” Bitty said with a little smile. “Two of the frogs had meltdowns a couple days ago, bless their poor little hearts. I think this is the time of year the homesickness really starts kicking in.”

 

“Yeah,” Nursey said absently.

 

Bitty examined him for a long moment. “Are you okay? You seem… off.”

 

“Honestly?” Nursey let out a short laugh. “I’m  _ really _ fucking stoned right now.”

 

“Not just that.” Bitty huffed and rolled his eyes. “You just seem, I don’t know, sad? Not just tonight, this whole semester you haven’t quite been yourself.”

 

God, doesn’t he know it. “I’m fine, Bitty.”

 

He frowned like he didn’t believe Nursey for a second, but thankfully he didn’t push it. “You should get to bed. We have an early start tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah, you too. Night, Bits.”

 

Bitty gave him one last small smile before turning back to the dishes he’d been washing. “Good night, Derek.”

 

He slept deep and dreamless that night, and it felt like far too soon when his alarm jarred him awake. He dragged himself out of bed, and was grateful to find Dex was already out of the room. He got ready in relative silence, and it wasn’t too much longer before they were all piling onto the bus. Nursey hadn’t said more than two words to anyone all morning, and he hadn’t so much as looked at Dex. Nursey only glanced his way once, when he first boarded the bus. Dex was sitting towards the middle, in the window seat, the one next to him wide open. They caught eyes for just a second before Dex quickly looked away again.

 

For the first time ever, Nursey picked a seat as far away from Dex as he possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i'm just gonna say thursdays are update days instead of fridays because it's tough if i'm gonna be busy over the weekend and won't have a chance to upload like i was last weekend and will be again this weekend
> 
> SORRY FOR THE ANGST IT'LL GET BETTER SOON I PROMISE someday these two idiots will actually have a conversation without making out with and/or yelling at each other
> 
> i'm starting to lose my momentum a little bit but i'm so determined to finish this thing, and i still have at least three chapters' worth written ahead of this so updates should stay weekly unless i seriously start slacking. if i do pls just yell at me tbh
> 
> ok that's it see y'all next time!! oh and hmu @ [tumblr](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com)!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very slight emetophobia warning for this chapter, right before the second page break!! take care of urselves friends

They scraped out another win, absolutely no thanks to Nursey. He was distracted and aggressive all night, and after his third round in the sin bin on a nasty check penalty he got benched for the rest of the game. His shoulder was sore again, but he couldn’t even bring himself to worry or care about it. Bitty and Chowder both kept shooting him concerned looks, but Nursey ignored them, and even more pointedly ignored Dex, glowering off into space with his jaw clenched so hard it started to hurt.

 

Everyone seemed sort of subdued even as they celebrated the win, and the bus ride home was quieter than usual. Nursey once again sat by himself, all the way towards the back of the bus. His laptop was open and his headphones were blaring as he tried to edit his short story from workshop earlier that week. The empty seat next to him was piled high with papers, copies of the story with notes from his classmates scribbled in the margins. It was endlessly frustrating, and he wanted to just give up on this piece and leave it unfinished, but he had to resubmit it with the edits soon and he’d prefer to at least make it tolerable to read, if he could. It sort of seemed like a hopeless endeavor, but Nursey was nothing if not stubborn.

 

They were about forty five minutes into the trip when Chowder plopped down next to him, taking the stack of papers and holding them in his lap. He stared at Nursey until he sighed, paused his music, and took his headphones off. “What,” he asked flatly.

 

“What the hell happened?” Chowder hissed, glancing across the bus. Nursey followed his eyes to see Dex, staring out the window and looking almost as miserable as Nursey felt.

 

Nursey frowned for a minute in deep thought, then let out a long sigh and opened a blank document on his laptop. This wasn’t a conversation he particularly wanted to risk anyone overhearing.

 

_ he said we’re not friends _ , Nursey typed.  _ and basically called me an idiot for thinking we were, and for “””deciding””” to have a stupid gay crush on him _

 

Chowder read the words as Nursey typed, and frowned at him. He took the laptop and typed back.

 

_ i think hes scared :( :( :( _

 

Nursey snorted at the emoticons, as if he couldn’t see how much Chowder was frowning just by looking at his face.  _ doesn’t give him an excuse to be an absoulte fucking cockhead _

 

_ i know, youre right… its fucked up that he said that. i’m just trying to see both sides and understand. do you want me to talk to him??? _

 

_ please don’t. but thanks c _

 

Chowder typed a smiley face, and when Nursey looked up at him, he was actually smiling, as well. “He’ll come around,” he whispered. “He always does.”

 

“Whatever,” Nursey mumbled, and put his headphones back on.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

There was a kegster the next night -- nothing insane, but big enough. Nursey was still in a crap mood but he was determined to have a good time. It was a little tough for the first hour or so, because Chowder wouldn’t stop hovering around him, chatting his ear off and seemingly doing everything in his power to keep Nursey from getting as shitfaced as he wanted.

 

“Chowder,” Nursey finally snapped. “Bro. I know you got put on Nursey Patrol but I can fucking take care of myself, okay? You don’t have to follow me around all night.”

 

Chowder blinked at him. “Wait. You know about Nursey Patrol?”

 

Nursey huffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m not a fucking idiot.”

 

“Well,” Chowder said carefully, “The last time we didn’t have it you spent the night passed out in a pile of leaves under the stairs with part of a box of Keystone Light as a blanket, so…”

 

“Oh my god.” Nursey squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a hand to his forehead. “It’s fine. I’m  _ fine _ . Go have fun. Isn’t Farmer here?”

 

“Yeah.” Chowder smiled sheepishly, clearly eager to take the excuse to go spend time with his girl. “Just -- just take care of yourself, okay? I’ll keep an eye on my phone if you need me.” He hesitated for a minute before disappearing into the crowd.

 

“Finally,” Nursey muttered to himself, and proceeded to get as fucked up as he possibly could.

 

He didn’t know how much later it was that he was in the kitchen, crossfaded as all hell, flirting and doing shots with some girl he was pretty sure he’d had a class with last semester. He couldn’t for the life of him remember her name. Melissa? Melanie? He didn’t fucking know, but she was smiling and giving him bedroom eyes, and he was totally gonna get laid.

 

Maybe that’d be enough to take his mind off Dex, since apparently the weed and alcohol wasn’t.

 

Almost as if he’d read Nursey’s mind and been summoned like the most irritating demon ever, suddenly Dex was at his shoulder. “Can we talk?” he asked, his voice sounding pained. Nursey glanced at him, and even through his own state of inebriation he knew enough of Dex’s tells to figure out from the flush of his face and the way his eyes were darting around that he was relatively drunk.

 

“No,” Nursey snapped, and turned back to the girl.

 

Dex huffed. “We need to talk,” he said firmly, and started to drag Nursey away before Nursey even realized what was happening. He protested loudly, but Dex had a vice grip on his arm. Suddenly they were upstairs in their room, the door shut. The room was spinning and Nursey was having trouble focusing on Dex’s face.

 

“The fuck do you want, Poindexter?” he demanded.

 

“Chill,” Dex said, then snorted out a sharp laugh as if it was the funniest fucking thing he’d ever said.

 

Nursey scowled. “Fuck this. I’m going back down before you completely cockblock me.” He reached for the knob and started to open the door.

 

“Nurse, wait.” Dex pushed the door shut again, and suddenly Nursey was too aware of how he was basically caged up against it by Dex, who was standing very, very close. “I’m -- fuck, I’m trying to apologize, okay?”

 

Nursey stared at him blankly.

 

“I’m not -- good at this sort of shit,” Dex continued with a huff. He didn’t seem quite able to meet Nursey’s eyes. “What I said, I -- I didn’t mean it. I was really stressed with midterms, and I know that isn’t an excuse, but I just don’t know what’s going on between us and I’m not used to these kinds of feelings or feelings in general really and I guess I freaked out a little bit? Or a lot. Uh. But what I said was really fucked up and uncalled for and I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah, it was pretty fucked up,” Nursey agreed.

 

“Sorry,” Dex repeated quietly. He glanced up to meet Nursey’s gaze for a split second before looking away again.

 

Nursey frowned, and tried to think for a minute, but his brain was basically just a cloud of confusion at this point. This probably wasn’t the best time for this conversation but he was too out of it to even think of why it wasn’t. He let out a long sigh. “Whatever. I really hate fighting with you for real, so like, it’s fine. Just don’t even fucking think of pulling that shit again, I swear to god.”

 

Dex looked up at him again, a tiny, hopeful smile on his face. “So you forgive me?”

 

Nursey let out a short laugh. It was ridiculous how positively endeared he could be by this douchebag who made him want to punch things half the time. “Yeah, Poindexter. I forgive you.”

 

Dex’s smile widened. And then he pressed Nursey up against the door and kissed him, hard.

 

It seemed so natural to melt into it, to wrap his arms around Dex’s shoulders and kiss him back like it was the only thing that mattered. It was sloppy, and desperate, and their teeth clacked together in a way that probably would’ve hurt if Nursey was more aware, and Dex whimpered into it and grabbed Nursey’s ass to pull him closer.

 

All of a sudden, trepidation coursed through Nursey, and he came to his senses for just a second. They really had to stop doing this to each other, it was just making their relationship more strained and messy every time. A wave of anxiety rolled over him at the thought of Dex’s inevitable swing back in the other direction, and his stomach churned. This was bad. He turned his head away, which didn’t deter Dex, who just started kissing down his jaw instead. “Dex,” Nursey said, his voice wary. The anxiety didn’t abate, except all of a sudden he realized it  _ wasn’t _ anxiety.

 

He shoved Dex off him and all but ran to the bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before he started puking his guts out.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

It was probably worrying how used to waking up in Dex’s bed Nursey was starting to get. But he felt too shit to be at all concerned with that. He groaned, feeling like his head was going to burst. When he cracked his eyes open, the tiny bit of sunlight that was streaming in through the gap in the curtains was way too bright. But he adjusted, slowly. On the floor next to his head was the trash can from the bathroom, an enormous bottle of Gatorade, and a bottle of aspirin. He shook out and swallowed three, and gratefully drank half the Gatorade, before collapsing face first into Dex’s pillow again.

 

A few minutes later, the door quietly opened and shut, and Nursey peeked over to see Dex creeping into the room. He glanced Nursey’s way, and did a double take when he realized he was being watched. “Morning, sunshine,” he said with a grin, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

 

Nursey grunted and flipped him off.

 

“You look awful. I mean, not that I’m all that surprised considering how fucked up you were last night, but still, jesus christ, Nurse.”

 

“Shut up,” Nursey mumbled. He tried to sit up, as usual hit his head on the underside of his bunk, and collapsed back onto the mattress with a loud groan. Dex was obviously trying very hard not to laugh, and doing a piss-poor job of it. Nursey glared at him as best he could.

 

Dex crossed the room and started rummaging through the closet, clearly looking for something. Nursey watched him with bleary eyes for a minute before finally asking the question that was running through his mind on repeat. “Last night,” he started, and Dex turned back towards him, “Did we, uh…”

 

Dex snorted. “No. After you threw up for almost an hour straight you wanted to go back downstairs, but you could barely stand up straight so I made you go to bed. I didn’t trust you to get up the ladder without killing yourself so you ended up down there. I, uh, slept in your bed, I hope that’s okay.”

 

“It’s chill,” Nursey mumbled. After a minute he added, “You kissed me, though.” It wasn’t a question. The memory was hazy, but definitely still there.

 

Dex’s cheeks went pink. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Uh. Yeah, I did.”

 

“Okay,” Nursey said. “I’m gonna go back to sleep.” It wasn’t more than a minute later that he was unconscious again.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

The next time Nursey woke up, he felt slightly more human. It’d probably be a full day until he was back at a hundred percent, considering the bender he’d gone on, but he at least felt like he could move without passing out or vomiting.

 

Also, he was starving.

 

He rolled off of Dex’s bed, actually managing to do so without hitting his head for once. After a brief pit stop in the bathroom -- and god, Dex was right, he looked like  _ hell _ \-- he wandered out into the hall. The Haus was silent, except for the way it creaked when the wind blew, and the loud rain that was now falling. The door to Chowder’s room was open, and he wasn’t in there. Same went for Bitty’s room. But as he approached the stairs, muffled voices began to drift up.

 

“--don’t know how they managed this one, good lord,” one of them was saying. It was Bitty. Sounded like he was in the kitchen. “If something like this happens again I’m gonna have to rope my poor kitchen off during kegsters, and you know  _ that _ isn’t going to go over well. But it’s not like we can just get our hands on another fridge, particularly after y’all just spent all that money getting me this nice oven.”

 

“It’s fine. Or it will be, anyways.” That was Dex. He sounded annoyed, but Nursey guessed it wasn’t any more than usual. There was a little banging around and he added, “Can you hand me that screwdriver? No, the other one.”

 

Nursey was about to go wandering in to try and scrounge up something to eat when Dex started talking again. Something about the tone of his voice made Nursey pause. He knew he probably shouldn’t be eavesdropping like this, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.

 

“Hey, Bitty? Can I… ask you something?”

 

“Of course you can. What’s up?”

 

“Well, I was just… I know this is like, really personal, and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I was kind of wondering… How did you know that you’re…?” Dex trailed off.

 

“That I’m gay?” Bitty finished gently. He let out a soft laugh. “I don’t mind talking about it. Let’s see, I guess I sort of always knew? I mean, I didn’t always have a word for it, but once the other boys in my class started looking at and talking about girls nothing they said ever felt like it fit me. And I was around pretty girls all the time back when I was figure skating, so it seemed like I  _ should _ be showing interest towards at least one of them, but it just never happened. And then I realized it was because I’d been too busy looking at boys the way I thought I was supposed to be looking at girls.” There was a beat of silence, and he added, “Is there… anything you wanted to talk about, Dex?”

 

“No,” Dex said, quickly. Too quickly, Nursey noted, and he would be surprised if Bitty hadn’t picked up on it too. He let out a frustrated little huff. “I was just -- curious, I guess. Where I’m from, it’s not really a thing. Like, no one talks about that stuff. As far as I know, I never met anyone who wasn’t straight until I came here. If I did, I would’ve never known, because anyone openly  _ like that _ up there wasn’t generally looked on too kindly. So no one was.”

 

“Lord, don’t I know it,” Bitty sighed. “Well, if you do ever want to talk, or have any more questions -- oh, Nursey, you’re up!” Nursey had finally gone into the kitchen, having decided he’d eavesdropped for long enough. Bitty and Dex were both sitting on the floor by the fridge, Dex surrounded by tools and messing with the hinges on the door and Bitty evidently keeping him company. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Like ass,” Nursey said flatly as he started to poke around in the cupboards.

 

“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t be so dismissive about Nursey Patrol next time,” Dex said. Nursey glanced at him, and their eyes caught. Dex gave him a small, teasing smile.

 

Nursey was about to protest that he could take care of himself, but he’d clearly made a pretty strong case against that the previous night, so he just rolled his eyes and changed the subject. “The fuck happened to the fridge?”

 

“Some  _ animal _ took the door clear off its hinges,” Bitty groused. “The fucking nerve of some people, I swear.”

 

“If I ever find out who did this I’m gonna kick their ass,” Dex added. “This is not exactly how I wanted to spend my Sunday.”

 

“Well, I’m grateful that you are.”

 

Bitty got up and started rummaging around the kitchen. Nursey moved out of his way and leaned up against one of the counters, eating handfuls of cereal out of the box he’d found. It was kind of stale, but he honestly didn’t care. He didn’t even realize he’d been watching Dex for a while until Dex stopped what he was doing to frown at him.

 

“What?” Dex asked.

 

Nursey blinked and shook his head. “Nothing. You just always, I dunno, seem really in your element when you’re doing shit like this.”

 

“Shut up,” Dex said, and rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. Nursey’s heart fluttered a little despite itself, and he had to stop himself from groaning aloud at it.

 

This whole feelings thing was turning into a real fucking pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory "i know basically nothing about hockey and if i wrote stuff that doesn't make sense please just suspend your disbelief for a minute" disclaimer lmao
> 
> i don't really have too much to say this time, except thanks for reading and i'll see you guys next week!!
> 
> oh and hmu @ [tumblr](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com)!!
> 
> ETA: omg i almost forgot to include the best part, in case anyone forgot the reason chowder said nursey patrol was invented is [totally real and canon](http://68.media.tumblr.com/8836b2cfabb077b2a7b3bfa39e9c896c/tumblr_nlmybbg6gd1szaospo8_1280.jpg) (ugggfgh)


	6. Chapter 6

“You about ready to call it a night?” Nursey asked, trying to keep a note of hope out of his voice. He was sweaty and exhausted, and his shoulder was acting up again, and he wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed and sleep for a week straight. But he and Dex had needed the extra practice out on the ice to make up for the trouble they’d been having, which was the reason he’d suggested they sneak in a little one-on-one time on a night neither of them had too much homework.

 

“Let’s just -- one more,” Dex answered. He sounded as wiped as Nursey felt, but his jaw was set in determination, so Nursey reset so they could run the drill they’d been working on again without further protest. Their passes went smoothly, and the puck sailed in a perfect arc into the net when Dex took the shot. He let out a whoop and lifted his arms over his head.

 

Nursey grinned and skated over to him. “Nice one,” he said, and punched Dex’s shoulder lightly. “Now pull that off during a game, and we’ll  talk.”

 

“Fuck off, I’ve got more points than you so far this season,” Dex replied, returning Nursey’s smile. He bumped into Nursey’s side.

 

“Yeah, but most of them are assists. Not really the same thing.” He bumped Dex back, a little harder than he’d intended. Dex lost his balance for a second and grabbed on to Nursey’s sweater, and Nursey instinctively held onto Dex’s waist to steady him. “Shit, sorry, you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dex said, his voice hushed. Nursey could feel Dex’s breath tickling his face, and they were so close their chests were pressed together. They were still hanging onto each other, and neither seemed like they were particularly eager to let go.

 

He wasn’t sure who closed the gap, but it wasn’t a minute later that he had Dex’s back pressed up against the boards as they kissed each other breathless.

 

“We should, um,” Dex mumbled between kisses, “Go shower, or something. I’m gross and sweaty.”

 

Nursey hummed in agreement, because he was too, but he made no move to stop kissing Dex.

 

“I’m serious,” Dex said, and laughed into Nursey’s mouth. He managed to squirm away, but he was grinning from ear to ear, and his face was Nursey’s favorite shade of pink. “Come on.”

 

He started towards the locker room. Nursey followed, and passed him just as they were about to get off the ice. He slapped Dex’s butt as he did, which earned him a surprised yelp. He grinned back at Dex, who just laughed and shook his head.

 

They both undressed quickly and without talking. Nursey was nervous for a minute that this might not be heading in the direction he thought or hoped, but that fear quickly subsided the second they got under the spray of the water and Dex kissed him again. His skin felt like it was on fire everywhere it was touching Dex’s, which was just about  _ everywhere _ . One of his hands trailed down Dex’s spine, fingertips tracing over the knob of each vertebrae he could feel. Dex sighed into his mouth, and Nursey took the opportunity to run his tongue along the inside of Dex’s lips.

 

As much as Nursey wanted to just keep going, the memory of what had happened following the last few times they’d done this was weighing heavily on his shoulders. He sighed and pulled away. Dex tried to chase his lips. “Wait,” Nursey said. Dex looked a little dazed, his hair wet and his lips pink from the kissing. Nursey almost forgot what he was going to say for a second. “If we do this, are you gonna freak out on me again later?”

 

Dex’s brow furrowed, and Nursey knew him well enough to know he was about to argue that he hadn’t been freaking out, which would just be a flat-out lie. But he bit the inside of his cheek and said, “I’ll try not to.”

 

Nursey frowned and started to pull away. “I don’t know if that’s good enough.”

 

“No, Nursey, wait, wait,” Dex said frantically and caught Nursey’s hips to keep him where he was. “I  _ will _ try, okay? I’m sorry. That I’ve been so stupid about all this. It’s… really new for me. And every time I think I know how to feel I just start second-guessing everything.” He looked away, and his expression was so pained that Nursey couldn’t stop himself from pushing Dex’s hair back off his forehead and then stroking his cheek in a quietly affectionate gesture. “I want to. I swear I do. But sometimes I  _ hate _ that I do.” That last part was barely more than a whisper.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Nursey told him, his voice gentle but firm.

 

“I know. I know.” Dex shook his head like he was trying to dislodge the thoughts. “If I start being an asshole again, just like, punch me or something, okay?” Nursey snorted, and Dex finally looked up at him again with a tiny grin. “Seriously! I’d probably deserve it.”

 

“Nah,” Nursey said. He pressed a soft kiss to Dex’s forehead, which made Dex’s cheeks go pink. “I mean, you  _ are _ an asshole a vast majority of the time. But I kind of like that about you. Usually.”

 

Dex’s smile widened. “You have really weird taste in guys, then.”

 

“Yeah, probably.” Nursey grinned back and pulled Dex in for another kiss. Dex sighed and wrapped his arms around Nursey’s waist, sort of melting into him. It was nice.

 

They just kissed for what felt like ages, not seeming to be in any hurry for things to escalate. Nursey, for one, was enjoying the soft slide of their lips; the feeling of all of Dex’s skin, soft and warm, laid bare beneath his hands; the way the water rolled over and between them. Their breath seemed almost in sync, and the thought that Nursey was breathing in the same air that had been in Dex’s lungs made a warmth seep through his bones in a way he didn’t know if he’d ever quite felt before.

 

And then Dex sucked on Nursey’s lower lip and pressed their hips together, and it was enough to shift the mood.

 

He pushed Dex back up against the wall of the shower, not roughly, but firm enough that Dex let out a whimper. One of his hands had been petting through Nursey’s hair, and his grip tightened, tugging just enough to make Nursey’s breath hitch. Dex was already half hard against Nursey’s hip just from the kissing, and Nursey didn’t seem to be too far behind. His hand trailed down Dex’s chest and stomach, but paused at his lower abdomen, tracing light circles into the skin. A shudder ran down Dex’s spine.

 

“Please?” he breathed into Nursey’s mouth.

 

“Please what?” Nursey mumbled back. Up until now Nursey had mostly just been making things pretty straightforward, but he couldn’t resist teasing Dex just a little. From the way Dex whimpered, Nursey had a feeling he didn’t mind all that much.

 

“Touch me?” Dex asked. The kiss had more or less broken, and he leaned his forehead on Nursey’s, his eyelids fluttering. It was intoxicating to witness Dex come undone so quickly right before his eyes, all through just a handful of kisses and a few glancing touches.

 

“Gotta be more specific, babe.” The pet name slipped out by mistake, but Nursey didn’t try to take it back. Dex just gave him a surprised glance, but didn’t say anything about it. “What do you want?”

 

“Fuck,” Dex breathed, and let out a slow, shaky breath. “I don’t know. Anything.”

 

“Can I blow you?”

 

Dex jerked back at that, sharply enough that he actually hit his head against the wall of the shower. “Ow,” he said, even as he stared at Nursey wide-eyed, like he didn’t believe his ears.

 

“If you don’t want me to it’s chill,” Nursey said quickly, his heart stuttering with nerves. The suggestion had just kind of come out without him really thinking about it. But maybe it was too much, too fast. God, he wished he was better at reading the situation, but every time he thought he knew what Dex wanted, it seemed like he ended up being completely wrong.

 

“No, I -- I want you to,” Dex stammered, still looking a bit shell-shocked. But, Nursey noticed, their hips were still pressed together and Dex had grown noticeably harder. “I, fuck, I  _ really _ want you to. I mean, as long as  _ you _ want to. You just surprised me. Because I didn’t think you would. Want to, I mean.”

 

Nursey let out a soft laugh, and Dex narrowed his eyes. “I want to,” he promised, and pressed one more lingering kiss to Dex’s lips before sinking to his knees.

 

He’d only done this maybe two or three times, but it was something he thought about a lot. He wasn’t sure why the idea of sucking cock did it for him so thoroughly, particularly when he had way more experience with girls, but imagining doing it was one of the more frequent fantasies that arose when he was jerking off. This would be a good opportunity to hone his skills, in any case, particularly because Dex had no frame of reference so probably wouldn’t even realize it if Nursey was doing a crap job. The realization that he was going to be the first one to do this to Dex sent a pleased little shiver down his spine. He remembered getting his first blowjob, and thinking there couldn’t possibly be anything better. (There was, of course, but at the time he’d still had a lot to learn.)

 

He kissed up the inside of one of Dex’s thighs, and paused to suck out a bruise in the skin there. It was partly in retaliation for the giant bite mark Dex had left on his shoulder the last time they’d hooked up, but more because the thought of Dex carrying around a bruise he’d left in such a secret, intimate place did things to Nursey that he didn’t have words for. A small moan sounded from Dex’s chest. Nursey glanced up to see Dex watching him. He grinned, and Dex gave a dazed little smile back.

 

Nursey held the eye contact as he wrapped one hand around the base of Dex’s cock and slowly dragged his tongue up the slit.

 

The bitter, salty taste of precome was worth it for the way Dex’s eyes widened and his fingers scrabbled against the tile of the shower wall, looking for something to hang onto. “Oh my god,” he said.

 

Nursey laughed lightly, pleased to have gotten such a reaction. “Feel good?” he asked, more than a little bit of teasing in his voice.

 

“Oh my god,” Dex said again.

 

Nursey grinned at him one more time before shifting his focus to the task at hand. It was sort of weird to be so up close and personal with Dex’s dick, but just seeing how flushed the head was sent an eager thrill through him. He wrapped his lips around it and sucked.

 

“Holy fuck,” Dex hissed, and his knees buckled a little. Nursey caught him with his hands on Dex’s hips. After a second, Dex seemed to steady himself, and leaned heavily back against the wall, letting out a long sigh. “Okay. Okay, sorry, I -- I’m good.”

 

“Good,” Nursey said, and pressed a quick kiss to his hip before taking Dex back into his mouth.

 

Dex’s reactions were beautiful, and all of them went straight to Nursey’s dick. He wished he had a way of capturing this moment for posterity, other than just with his memories. It was probably going to provide him with masturbation fodder for ages. He took his time, working his mouth over Dex’s entire cock, figuring out what he could do with his tongue that drew out the best whimpers and moans, swallowing it down as far as he could manage, really making a show of it.

 

“Fuck, fuck,” Dex breathed, over and over. His legs were shaking like crazy, and Nursey honestly wasn’t sure how he was even still standing. “ _ Please _ , Nursey, god, are you trying to kill me?” His voice broke.

 

Nursey pulled off and blinked up at him, the picture of feigned innocence. “Please what?” he asked again, sweetly.

 

Dex let out a frustrated groan and tilted his head back, letting it rest against the wall. “You  _ know _ what,” he snapped, more than a little desperation creeping into his voice. “Please go faster, please let me  _ come _ , ple--” His words were cut off with a sharp gasp when Nursey took him back into his mouth.

 

Nursey went at it with even more enthusiasm then, bobbing his head quickly and swallowing around Dex. It couldn’t have been more than a minute later that Dex was tugging at his hair and whimpering, “Nurse, Nurse, I can’t,” his voice sounding wrecked and broken, like nothing Nursey had ever heard. Nursey didn’t let up until he felt the first spurt of Dex’s come splash down his throat. He pulled off then, and worked Dex the rest of the way through it with his hand, not at all concerned with the fact that most of Dex’s jizz ended up on his face.

 

Dex was trembling violently, one hand tangled into Nursey’s hair and gripping so hard it hurt. Most of his exhales were accompanied by whines, and when he finally opened his eyes enough to look down at Nursey, he let out a surprised, breathy laugh. “That should be gross,” he panted, “But it’s actually really,  _ really _ hot.”

 

Nursey grinned at him. “It’s ‘cause it’s me,” he said.

 

“Yeah, probably,” Dex mumbled, to Nursey’s surprise.

 

He got up and moved under the spray of the shower, scrubbing the mess off his face. His knees were a little sore from the tiled floor, but he thought it was pretty worth it. Particularly when he looked at Dex and caught Dex watching him with an expression that could only reasonably be described as  _ hungry _ . “What?” Nursey asked with a teasing smile. He slowly ran a hand down his chest and stomach, and then wrapped his fingers around his own painfully-hard cock. Dex’s eyes tracked the movement, and he swallowed noticeably. “See something you like?”

 

“Shut up,” Dex said, his voice uneven.

 

“Make me.”

 

He did.

 

Dex was all tongue and teeth, his whole body a flurry of energy as he worked Nursey with his hand. It was intense, to say the least, and it was just about all Nursey could do to hang on to Dex’s shoulders and try and keep up with the desperate kisses. All his muscles felt tense as hell, and Nursey didn’t think a coherent thought could form in his head if he tried. Between kisses escaped breathy little moans, usually in some combination of “yes” “fuck” “Dex” and “please,” and it really wasn’t long before his vision was going white and he was right on the edge. There was a world of difference between the last time Dex had nervously jerked him off and the confident way he moved now, and Nursey was most definitely not complaining.

 

“God, fuck, Dex,” he choked out, “I can’t, I’m so close, I’m gonna come--”

 

“Good,” Dex growled, and there was something almost possessive about his voice that made another moan catch in Nursey’s throat. And then he did come, and it was so intense that he felt like he was floating, and it took a solid thirty seconds before he could feel his toes again.

 

He kept clinging to Dex, trying desperately to catch his breath, even as Dex started cleaning up under the shower. “Holy fuck,” he finally managed, his voice cracking, and he let out a breathy, nervous-sounding chuckle. He pulled back enough to grin at Dex, still dazed as hell. “I should suck you off more often, if that’s how you’re gonna thank me.”

 

Dex laughed in surprise, but it was cut off by Nursey kissing him fiercely, which Dex didn’t seem to mind.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

After Columbus Day there was a nice lull where coursework was manageable and practice and games seemed to be going as smoothly as they ever had. Everyone was in a good mood, including Dex, to Nursey’s endless surprise. Despite what Dex had told him Nursey had still been expecting another rift to form between them after that night in the locker room. But Dex really did seem to be trying, and Nursey noticed Dex even catching himself from snapping at Nursey a few times. Dex did seem to try to avoid being alone with Nursey too much, but that, Nursey could deal with. As long as they were on speaking terms, at the very least. And any strain within their relationship, on or off the ice, couldn’t be too bad because Chowder couldn’t seem to stop grinning whenever Nursey and Dex were so much as standing next to each other. It was annoying as fuck.

 

Nursey didn’t think that Dex knew that Chowder knew, which was probably for the best because he had a feeling if Dex thought  _ anyone _ knew, even if it was just Chowder, he’d freak out a billion times worse than he had already. Their harmony as friends, as teammates, as roommates, or whatever the fuck else they might’ve called themselves, was hanging on a very precarious balance, and Nursey was far too conscious of this fact to risk pushing it in the wrong direction again. But  _ because _ Dex didn’t know that Chowder knew, what was an obvious set-up to him when Chowder suggested the three of them hang out together one weekend and then bailed at the last minute claiming to be “sick” seemed perfectly logical to Dex.

 

“Fuckin’ figures,” Nursey had grumbled when he read the text from Chowder to the two of them, saying he wasn’t coming after all. They were already at IHOP, sitting across from each other in a booth. The three of them were supposed to eat dinner together, then hit the movies. He switched from the group text to the one-on-one with Chowder and sent him some unamused emojis. Chowder just sent nearly a full page of smiley faces back.

 

“Dude,” Dex said, sounding surprised and offended. “He’s sick, leave him alone.”

 

“Chill, he’s not actually sick,” Nursey said, unimpressed by Dex’s obliviousness. “He did this on purpose, to force us to hang out. For like, bonding purposes or some shit.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Dex snapped. Nursey raised an eyebrow and Dex huffed and rolled his eyes. “What, so you’re saying you wouldn’t hang out with me if you knew Chowder wasn’t gonna be here?”

 

“Bro, that’s not what I said.” Nursey’s voice softened a little, and he gently kicked at Dex’s foot under the table with one of his. He couldn’t help but feel a little proud when Dex’s cheeks went pink. “I just don’t know why Chowder thinks we need to be tricked into hanging out together. Like, we  _ live _ together, I see you more than probably anyone.”

 

“True,” Dex allowed. He fell quiet, then after a minute brightened and added, “Hey, since Chowder isn’t coming after all, we should go see a horror movie. Get in the Halloween spirit.”

 

“You like horror movies?” Nursey propped his chin up with his elbow on the table.

 

“Yeah, I mean, they’re not usually my first choice, but I don’t mind them. Every once in a while they can be fun.”

 

“I don’t even know what movies are out right now. Chowder was supposed to pick.”

 

The waitress delivered their drinks as Dex pulled his phone out. Nursey thanked her and gave her one of his most charming grins, and she giggled as she walked away. Dex rolled his eyes.

 

“What?” Nursey asked innocently.

 

“You know exactly what,” Dex bristled.

 

Something about that was even more satisfying than making the waitress blush, and Nursey distracted himself by unwrapping his straw and sticking it into his milkshake to keep himself from grinning too wide. “I still think we should’ve asked for two straws and split this like they do in cheesy romcoms,” he said.

 

“Not even in fucking hell would I do that with you.”

 

Nursey laughed and took a sip. “You sure? It’s really good.”

 

Dex huffed and rolled his eyes, but didn’t deign that with an answer. “There actually aren’t that many horror movies out right now?” he changed the subject, looking at the screen of his phone. “I heard  _ The Girl on the Train _ was good, but that’s more of a thriller.”

 

“Oh, yeah, I read the book,” Nursey said. “Definitely not horror, but I’d like to see it at some point, the book was baller.”

 

“Maybe we can go next weekend or something,” Dex said absently, still focused on his phone. Nursey tried really hard not to grin at the assumption that they were going to be spending next weekend together as well. “That Ouija board movie just came out yesterday, it looks like crap though. Oh, so did that Tyler Perry one, but I really have like, zero interest in seeing that.”

 

“Dude. That’s like, hella racist,” Nursey said. Dex just shot him a look, so used to Nursey’s teasing by now that he didn’t even bother rising to the bait.

 

“And then the new Blair Witch movie came out last month. But I never even saw the first one so that probably wouldn’t--”

 

“Dex.  _ William.” _ Nursey grabbed Dex’s phone out of his hand. Dex looked up at him in clear annoyance, and Nursey just caught Dex’s cheeks between his hands. “Are you fucking telling me. That you have never seen.  _ The Blair Witch Project. _ ”

 

“Yes…?” Dex said, his voice coming out a little weird due to how Nursey had his face squished.

 

“Oh my  _ fucking _ god. Are you not aware that I wrote a ten-page paper on that movie for my film studies course last year? That it’s one of my favorite movies like,  _ ever _ ? You need to watch it. We need to watch it. That’s it, we’re going back to the Haus right now, thank god that movie is on Netflix. You’re gonna learn some motherfucking culture.”

 

“But I still want to actually  _ go _ to the movies,” Dex protested. “And we didn’t even eat yet.”

 

“Fine,” Nursey huffed. “We’ll eat, and we’ll go see the shitty fucking Ouija board movie, and  _ then _ we’ll watch it when we get home. No arguing.”

 

For once, Dex actually didn’t argue. They debated the finer points of what made a good horror movie over breakfast-for-dinner. As it turned out Dex was a fan of cliche slashers with lots of jump scares, whereas Nursey preferred psychological thrillers that were artistic and deeply unsettling and burrowed into his head for days after he’d watched them. After Dex admitted he had never seen  _ The Shining _ , or  _ Donnie Darko _ , or even a single film by Alfred Hitchcock, Nursey was determined to make him watch them all. There was only about a week until Halloween, anyways, so they worked out a deal that they would watch a movie each night, taking turns on who picked. Nursey wasn’t sure how he was going to narrow his list down to five, but he’d figure it out.

 

One thing they  _ could _ both agree on, at least, was that the Ouija board movie was complete and utter crap.

 

It was readily apparent less than a half hour in that this movie was only going to be remotely tolerable if there was ample trash-talking involved. Fortunately, both he and Dex had plenty of experience in that, and thanks to Dex’s dry commentary, Nursey didn’t think he’d ever laughed so hard in his life. They got quite a few dirty looks thanks to all the noise they were making, so they leaned into each other to whisper. Nursey didn’t know when exactly his arm ended up draped around Dex’s shoulders, or Dex ended up with his hand on Nursey’s thigh and his thumb rubbing absently over the denim of Nursey’s pants, but neither of them seemed particularly inclined to move apart.

 

When the movie finally ended after what felt like way too long and the lights came up, Dex jerked away like he’d only just realized how close they were, his cheeks going pink. Nursey just smiled and led the way out of the theater, and didn’t say anything about it, and tried to ignore the disappointment weighing heavy in his stomach.

 

“You know what’s one thing I really hate about horror movies these days?” Dex bitched as they walked back to the Haus. It was mostly quiet; once they got to the street the Haus was on it looked like one of the sororities down the way was throwing a party which was likely where most of campus was, if not at one of the bars downtown or, like Nursey and Dex, doing their own thing. “Everyone in them always uses flashlights. Like, even the people our age. Who the hell uses an actual  _ flashlight _ anymore? Everyone has cell phones, and most of them have flashlights built in. Just once I’d like to see a movie where they used them.”

 

“I definitely did see one once,” Nursey mused. Dex’s hair was ruffled and the tips of his ears were pink from the wind. Nursey had to shove his hands in the pockets of his jacket to keep from touching him. “I don’t remember what movie it was but it did take me off guard, because I’d never really thought about it before but you’re so right.”

 

“Wait,” Dex said in that tone of voice that meant he was about to chirp the shit out of Nursey. “Did you just say I’m  _ right _ ? You, Derek Nurse, admitted that I actually made a valid point?”

 

“Yeah, don’t get used to it,” Nursey said and rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but grin.

 

“Wow. This is a first. This is big enough to go in the  _ history _ books. Where the hell’s my phone? I need to document this.”

 

“Shut up,” Nursey laughed, and bumped Dex’s shoulder with his.

 

Dex found his phone and tried to get Nursey to take a selfie with him. Nursey refused to enable his gloating, and they ended up chasing each other around the front yard of the Haus until Nursey, as usual, tripped over his own feet and went toppling into a pile of leaves. He somehow managed to take Dex down with him, and they grappled with each other, chirps still flying, until Dex got him pinned down, his knees on each side of Nursey’s waist and one of Nursey’s wrists in each hand. They stared at each other for a long moment, and there was such genuine affection in Dex’s expression that Nursey felt warm all over despite the chill in the air. “What?” he asked softly.

 

Dex blinked like he’d been pulled out of a deep thought. “You have leaves in your hair. It looks dumb,” he told Nursey, who rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, I wonder whose fault that is?”

 

Dex let go of Nursey’s wrists and went for his phone again, and before Nursey could stop him he was snapping a picture, the flash blinding in the relative darkness. “Yo,” Nursey protested, propping himself up on his elbows, but Dex just tapped away on his phone, a small smile on his face.

 

“There,” he said after a minute, and turned the screen to face Nursey.

 

He’d posted the photo on Instagram, along with the caption  _ Captured for posterity: Derek Malik Nurse admitted I was RIGHT about something _ , but what struck Nursey so much was the expression on his face in the photo. As Dex had pointed out, he did have leaves in his hair, and his shirt and jacket were all rumpled from rolling around, but he looked so openly happy that he could hardly stand it. He wondered if that was how he looked whenever he looked at Dex, and if so, how it could be possible that the whole world didn’t already know just how fucking head-over-heels Nursey was for this boy.

 

“I look hot,” Nursey said.

 

Dex let out a surprised laugh. “Whatever, let’s just go inside. It’s fucking cold out.” He stood up, and the second they were no longer touching Nursey already missed him, but he followed Dex into the Haus without another word.

 

Watching Blair Witch was an entirely different experience than the other movie had been. They smoked a bowl beforehand (or, Nursey did, and Dex took two small hits), and moved Dex’s nightstand so they could put Nursey’s laptop on it. They sat in Dex’s bed, leaning up against each other, and Dex kept trying to ask questions but after the first half hour of being told to “Just watch the fucking movie,” he gave up.

 

Once the credits started to roll, Nursey turned to Dex, who was frowning at the screen. “I don’t get it,” he said flatly.

 

“Dude,” Nursey said.

 

Dex turned his frown on Nursey. “How was that supposed to be scary? All that happened was they walked around in circles a bunch and saw piles of rocks. You never even  _ saw _ the witch. And what was up with the ending? It didn’t make any sense.”

 

“I don’t know if I’d describe it as scary either, honestly? More unsettling, I think,” Nursey mused. “And the fact that you never see the witch is what makes it so fucking creepy. Like, there’s always just this dark force, unknown, lurking in the periphery, and at first you don’t know if it’s real or not but then it just starts fucking with them until you can’t deny it, even though you still never see things as they’re happening, you know? And the end ties it all back to the serial killer, which is--”

 

“Wait,” Dex interrupted. “What serial killer, when was there a serial killer?”

 

“Bro, they talked about it in the beginning, when they were doing the interviews. There was that dude who lived up in the woods back in like, the 40s, and murdered a bunch of little kids, and he’d make one of them stand in the corner while he tortured and murdered the other one. It was fucked. But that’s why he was standing in the corner at the end.”

 

“Okay, but if that guy was there in the 40s, and the movie took place in what, the 90s? How does that have anything to do with it.”

 

“Well, there’s a bunch of different theories. Like, one is that the witch somehow warped them back in time to when the serial killer was there. Or just that the witch flat-out fuckin’ did it. But my personal favorite is the one where Josh was being manipulated by the witch to kill them.”

 

“I thought Josh died way before that,” Dex said.

 

“You don’t know.”

 

“But they found his teeth.”

 

“You don’t necessarily have to be dead for someone to yank your teeth out? Anyways, chill, it’s not the plot details that are ridiculously important -- I mean they are, yeah, but do you even get how influential this movie was? Like, it wasn’t the first but it had a huge impact on the found footage genre, basically launched it into popularity. And the marketing, like, this was before the internet was a huge thing remember, so the fact that they managed to get the marketing so fucking viral that people actually thought it was a snuff film and the actors were straight up dead when it first -- what?” Nursey cut himself off, because Dex was staring at him with a dopey sort of smile and it was kind of weird. Dex shrugged one shoulder and looked away.

 

“I don’t know,” he said, “It’s just kind of nice to see you so… passionate? About something? You’re always so  _ chill _ , it’s like you don’t even care about anything, you know?”

 

“Hey. I care about lots of things.”

 

“Well, you don’t show it much.” Dex’s eyes met Nursey’s again, and his smile had shifted to something softer that made butterflies start swarming all up in Nursey’s chest. “I like when you do.”

 

“What, so you’re saying you want me to get all meta about movies more often? Because I could do that for hours, beli--”

 

His words were cut off by Dex’s lips, pressed to his in a soft kiss.

 

Nursey let a little sigh out through his nose and shifted closer to Dex, whose hand was curled around the back of his neck. He’d been wanting to do this all goddamn night, really, but things had been going so good between them that Nursey hadn’t wanted to risk fucking it up again. But this time  _ Dex _ had kissed  _ him _ , and Nursey still had no idea what the hell was going on between them but with the way Dex gently sucked Nursey’s lower lip into his mouth, Nursey couldn’t bring himself to worry about it all that much. Thinking could happen later, when Dex wasn’t pushing him onto his back and tangling his fingers in Nursey’s hair.

 

His fingertips skated down Dex’s spine, catching on the fabric of his shirt, and there was something different about the mood of the kiss. It was deep and languid, like there was no rush to take things any further. Nursey certainly didn’t mind; he honestly felt like he could just kind of kiss Dex forever, to get lost in the soft slide of lips and brushes of tongue. It almost felt like Dex was pouring all the emotions he hadn’t yet dared to say into it, and Nursey did all he could to do the same.

 

He wasn’t sure how long it was before the kiss tapered to its natural conclusion, and after one more soft, almost chaste press of lips, Dex was pulling back enough so he could just look at Nursey, questions in his eyes and his cheeks dusted with pink. “What?” Nursey found himself asking again, his voice barely over a whisper and a smile on his lips.

 

“You still have a leaf in your hair,” Dex said. Nursey snorted and let Dex pick it out and drop it to the floor.

 

Dex let out a long sigh and rolled off Nursey, lying on his side. It took some maneuvering, because both of them stretched out in Dex’s tiny bed was horribly cramped, but Nursey got them facing each other, one of his arms slung over Dex’s waist, their legs tangled together.

 

“Nurse?” Dex asked, and his voice was very small.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Dex didn’t answer for a long minute. His eyes were lowered, watching his fingers toy with the fabric of Nursey’s shirt. Finally, he asked, “What the hell are we doing?”

 

Nursey blinked, a little taken off guard by the question. So they were finally having this conversation. He hadn’t wanted to be the one to bring it up, because he felt like talking about it would make it end, and he definitely didn’t want that. So he’d been perfectly content to just let things happen when they did, and not push, and not talk about it.

 

Well. Mostly content.

 

“What do you want us to be doing?” Nursey asked carefully.

 

Dex let out a short, humorless laugh. “I wish I fucking knew.” Nursey waited, thinking Dex had more to add. Sure enough, after a pause, he continued, “I’m not -- I’m not gay, you know.”

 

“Okay,” Nursey said. “I mean. I’m not either.” Dex looked at him then, brows furrowed in confusion, and Nursey rolled his eyes fondly. “I’m bi, or pan, or whatever? I don’t know, I like everyone.”

 

“Oh.” Dex’s eyes dropped again. “Well, I’m -- I’m not. I’m not gay, I  _ can’t _ be.” His voice was a little strained, and he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than Nursey. And then a lot of things clicked into place. His seemingly random swings between reluctant and enthusiastic whenever they were together, the conversation with Bitty he’d overheard, the way he kept lashing out whenever it seemed like they were getting too close. It made sense, but a wave of immense sadness washed over Nursey at the realization that Dex had probably been dealing with this alone for a long time, even before this  _ thing _ had started between them. He wished he knew what to say, or how to relate, but his sexuality had never been a cause of concern for him. His family and friends were generally pretty open-minded about that sort of thing, and he’d never felt the need to hide or be ashamed of that part of himself.

 

“You know it’s okay if you are, right?” Nursey asked slowly.

 

“Sure it is,” Dex said flatly. He let out a long sigh and buried his face against Nursey’s chest. Nursey absently started running his fingers through Dex’s hair. When he continued talking, his voice was muffled. “I haven’t talked to one of my cousins in almost five years, you know. She’s a lesbian. When my aunt and uncle found out they got in a huge fight. They didn’t kick her out, exactly, but they might as well have. She doesn’t get invited around to holidays or anything anymore. We don’t even mention her, it’s like she doesn’t even exist. I didn’t even know  _ why _ for the longest time, not until one of my other cousins told me.”

 

“Dex,” Nursey said, but he really didn’t know how else to respond to that.

 

“It’s not just that,” he continued. “Where I’m from, everyone knows everyone. There’s no such thing as privacy. And it’s really blue-collar, which in a way was a good thing to be raised around because it made me learn a tough work ethic and how to take care of myself. I don’t regret growing up there, and I don’t really wish I grew up anywhere else. But most of them are also the kind of die-hard Republicans who want to ‘Make America great again.’ Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m a Republican too, but I guess coming to school here has made me change my opinion about a lot of things. I’d never even been outside of Maine before I started looking at colleges, except for hockey, and you know there’s not a ton of time for sightseeing on roadies. But it’s still my  _ home _ , and I -- I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back there after this.”

 

“Dex,” Nursey said again, firmly. He wriggled back so he could look at Dex’s face, and very nearly fell off the bed in the process, but fortunately managed to catch himself just in time. That would’ve really fucked up the seriousness of the moment. “You know you don’t owe them anything, right? Like, I get that it’s your home, and you love your family and shit, but they don’t need to know about this part of your life if you don’t want them to. No one does. It’s nobody’s business but ours.”

 

Dex stared at him for a long moment, like he was searching for some sort of answer in Nursey’s face. Nursey wished he had any to give. Finally, he shut his eyes and let out a long sigh. “You’re right. It  _ isn’t _ their business. It just feels like somehow they’ll… know, even if I don’t tell them. And it feels weird keeping something so huge from them. But I guess I have been for a long time already, anyways.”

 

“When did you know you were…?” Nursey asked, unable to staunch his curiosity.

 

Dex was toying with the fabric of Nursey’s tshirt again, running his fingers over the wrinkles. “I’m not sure. In a way I think I always did, but I also didn’t  _ want _ to. So I kept telling myself it was all in my head, or I just wasn’t ready to date or have sex or whatever, or that the right girl would come around and everything would fall into place. I really believed it, too, for the most part. But then--” Dex cut himself off.

 

Nursey waited, but when Dex didn’t seem like he was going to continue he prompted, “Then?”

 

Dex looked up at him with a wry little smile. “Then  _ you _ happened.”

 

Nursey let out a surprised laugh. “What the fuck did I do?”

 

“You existed.” Dex huffed like he was annoyed, but there was still a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “And you were hot, and funny, and infuriating, and so easygoing, and just… everything I’m not. And it started to get really hard to keep lying to myself about it.”

 

“Aw, babe, you’re hot and infuriating too,” Nursey said. Dex laughed and shoved at his shoulder. “No but really, is that why you were always such a dick to me?”

 

“No, I’m a dick to you because you’re a douche and you need someone to keep you in check.”

 

“Excuse you, I am a pleasant and delightful fucking person. It’s not my fault you get riled up so easy.” Dex just gave him a look, and Nursey grinned. “Okay, but just to like, clarify -- what  _ are _ we doing, then? Like, what do you want here?”

 

Dex’s lips pursed into a frown, and he looked upset by the question, even though he was the one who’d asked it in the first place to start this conversation. “Do we have to put a label on it?”

 

“Nah,” Nursey said. “Labels are overrated.”

 

“Okay. So I guess it just… is what it is. And you’re okay with keeping it between us?”

 

“Yeah, dude. Like I said, it’s nobody else’s business. Well.” Nursey cringed a little at the realization that he’d have to tell Dex this. “Except maybe Chowder’s because he kind of already knows.”

 

“What,” Dex said flatly.

 

“I’m sorry! After that first night I was kind of freaking out and I needed to talk about it and I just -- told him everything. And now he’s obsessing over it and has been trying to get me to ask you out for weeks and I  _ told _ you he wasn’t actually sick tonight, he was totally trying to trick us into going on a date. Which like, actually kind of worked, so props to him I guess? But dude, it’s  _ Chowder _ , he’s our best friend and you know he’s not gonna tell anyone if we tell him not to. Remember when we got Bitty the oven, and we all thought Chowder was gonna ruin the surprise? But he kept that shit on  _ lock _ . It’s chill.”

 

Dex was quiet for a long time, and Nursey was expecting him to be pissed, but instead he just asked, a slow grin spreading on his face, “You were freaking out?”

 

Nursey frowned and ignored the heat that rose to his cheeks. “That is so not the point of all this.”

 

“I dunno, I think it’s kind of an important detail. Arguably the most important detail. Cause like, yeah, if anyone has to know I’m glad it’s Chowder. But you were seriously  _ freaking ou _ \--”

 

Nursey kissed Dex and fortunately it was enough to get him to shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY DID IT... THEY FINALLY TALKED... I'M SO PROUD OF THEM #characterdevelopment
> 
> i wasn't really sure how else to split this up so hope you enjoyed the extra long chapter!! this one was a ton of fun to write, especially their silly date shenanigans omg
> 
> bonus content: wendee said they would never speak to me again if i didn't draw [dex's instagram post](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com/post/162411774218)
> 
> anyways please yell at me to write more because i've been seriously slacking, i'm not even finished with the next chapter yet rip (i almost am. but still i gotta get my ass in gear)
> 
> that's it for me, thanks for reading and see you next week!! <3


	7. Chapter 7

The weather remained tentatively beautiful, and Nursey spent as much time as he could outside because it would get cold soon and he was honestly dreading that. There was definitely something special about the first fresh snowfall of winter, and coming back from classes only for Bitty to immediately shove a mug of hot chocolate into his hands, but autumn was his favorite season and he wasn’t ready for it to be over or to be trapped indoors for several months just yet. Whether he was out in the Reading Room, or wandering campus, or chilling over at lake quad, he was determined to grasp at every remaining moment of relatively warm sunlight that he could.

 

Dex didn’t join him often, considering most of his classwork required the use of a computer and he spent nearly as much time on homework as they did hockey practice, which was honestly just sad. Nursey didn’t mind doing homework, particularly for the classes he was passionate about, but Dex didn’t even seem to _like_ any of his classes, apparent by the shit mood he always ended up in after working all night, or the frequency with which he tended to all but yell at the little rubber duck that sat next to his computer. (It was a programming thing, he’d tried to tell Nursey, who didn’t really get it -- but then again he was sure there were plenty of things about him that Dex didn’t get so he didn’t worry about it.)

 

He always invited Dex along anyways, but was so used to getting answers of “no” that he almost tripped over his own feet in surprise when he said, “I’m gonna head over to lake quad for a bit, you wanna come?” and Dex actually replied, “Sure, I could use a break.”

 

He definitely wasn’t complaining, though, because any time he got to spend with Dex was good as far as he was concerned.

 

“Should we ask Chowder?” Dex asked as he started to gather some of his things into his backpack and put on his shoes.

 

“We could,” Nursey said, shrugging one shoulder, “But honestly I’d rather go with just you.” Once they were both ready to go, Dex moved over to Nursey, seemingly waiting for him to go so he could follow. Before opening the door, Nursey leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and grinned at how pink it still made Dex’s cheeks go. It seemed like it was something he should be used to by now, but at the same time Nursey still wasn’t particularly used to it, either.

 

They ended up in a pile of leaves near the Pond, Dex cross-legged and scribbling in a notebook as he leafed through his PoliSci textbook, and Nursey laying with his head in Dex’s lap, reading one of the books he’d been assigned for Studio. He was so absorbed in it that it took him a few minutes to realize Dex had gone quiet, and when Nursey tilted his head back to look at him, Dex was looking back. Dex smiled a little. “What are you reading?”

 

“Maggie Nelson,” Nursey said, and closed the book enough so that Dex could see the cover. “It’s for class.”

 

“What’s it about?”

 

“The color blue.”

 

Dex slowly raised an eyebrow. “That book has to be what, a hundred pages long? And it’s all just… about the color blue?”

 

“Shyeah. It’s rad. Like it doesn’t seem like it, but there’s so much you can write about a color. Colors are everywhere, in everything we do, and we barely pay attention to them most of the time but they’re always there and they all hold some kind of significance. Like, think about it. What’s your favorite color?”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t really have one,” Dex said flatly.

 

“Bro. Everyone has a favorite color.”

 

“Fine, uh, green I guess?”

 

“Okay. So why green? What does green mean, what does it make you think and feel and remember? What shades of green? What are your most green thoughts, your secrets, your desires? There’s green literally everywhere, in the grass and sometimes the sky and those fugly walls in that one study room in Founder’s. People can be green. Noises can be green. It’s not about just the color, it’s so much more than that.”

 

Dex just stared down at him for a long time. Finally, he said, “That makes no fucking sense.”

 

Nursey let out a long-suffering sigh. “You just aren’t opening your mind to the possibilities. The _green_ possibilities and ideas that are there inside you, but you won’t acknowledge them. Here, listen.”

 

He opened the book back up to where his finger was wedged between the pages and began to read aloud, picking up from where he’d left off.

 

> “ _80\. What I have heard: When the mines of Sar-e-Sang run dry (locals say the repressive rule of the Taliban, who, in 2000, blew up the two giant statues of Buddha at the mines’ entrance -- Buddhas whose blue auras were the oldest-known application of lapis on earth -- caused a particularly long dry spell; God only knows what the American bombing has done since), the miners use dynamite to bleed a vein, in hopes of starting a ‘blue rush.’_ __  
> __  
> _“81. What I know: When I met you, a blue rush began. I want you to know, I no longer hold you responsible._ __  
> __  
> _“82. I have made efforts, however fitful, to live within other beads. During one particularly despondent New York City winter, I bought a huge can of bright yellow paint at the hardware store on Allen Street, imagining that I might buoy my soul with its cheer. When I got home and pried off the lid I realized they’d given me the wrong color, or maybe it was the right one, but at home it looked garish -- like ‘death warmed over,’ as they say. It was a terrible yellow, a yellow of utter rage. Later I learned that nearly all cultures have considered yellow in isolation one of, if not the least attractive of all colors. I painted everything with it._ __  
> __  
> _“83. I tried to go with the theme: I bought a yellow journal. On its cover sheet I wrote a slogan of penetration: Do not tell lies and do not do what you hate, for all things are manifest in the sight of heaven._ _  
> _ __  
> _“84. I hated that time and I hated that apartment and soon after I painted everything yellow I moved out. I looked at dozens of apartments and when I entered into the hallway of the one I moved into next I knew I could live there because it was cheap and the hallway was baby blue. My friends all told me it smelled as bad in there as it did in the last one but I found a penny heads-up on the threshold and anyway I don’t live there anymore.”_

 

He fell silent and once again tilted his head back to look up at Dex, trying to gauge his reaction. Dex looked thoughtful.

 

“I like that,” he finally decided. “I still don’t really get it? But it’s interesting.”

 

“Fuck yeah it’s interesting,” Nursey enthused. “There’s so much you can write with just a color. Sometimes the harsher the restrictions you put on your writing, the better the results. I like challenging myself like that.”

 

“Are you gonna write about a color now?” Dex asked.

 

“Yeah, actually. We have to, as a follow-up assignment for reading the book.”

 

“What color are you gonna write about?”

 

“I don’t know yet,” Nursey said. After a beat of silence he grinned up at Dex and added, “Probably orange.”

 

_/   .   \\_

 

A few days later was Dex’s birthday, and along with the rest of his gift Nursey gave Dex a pretty green cat’s-eye marble he’d found. Dex looked unamused, but he pocketed it anyways, and later on when he didn’t think Nursey was looking Nursey caught him absently rolling it between his fingers and smiling.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

There was a roadie that weekend, and by the time they were finally headed back to campus it was late and everyone was exhausted. It’d been a tough game, and they’d lost by a narrow margin, so while the air on the bus was subdued, it wasn’t quite the kind of angry despair that came from one of those awful games where they just couldn’t pull it together. Just about everyone was asleep, but Nursey had had a spark of inspiration during the game and was typing away furiously on his laptop.

 

“What are you writing?” Dex asked from beside him, and Nursey had been so absorbed in his work that he nearly jumped out of his skin.

 

“Jesus christ, I thought you were asleep,” Nursey said. Dex laughed, so Nursey punched him in the arm. “I’m working on my color thing, like we talked about the other day.”

 

“Oh,” Dex said. “Can I read it?”

 

“No,” Nursey said, and Dex tried to lean over to read it anyways, so Nursey shifted the laptop so the screen was out of Dex’s line of sight. “It’s not finished yet. Maybe when I’m done.”

 

“When will you be done?”

 

“I don’t know? It isn’t due until Friday but there’s an open mic on Tuesday that I kind of want to read it at if I can get it in any kind of decent shape in time.”

 

“Oh,” Dex said. He was pouting, and Nursey snorted.

 

“Why do you care? You’ve never asked to read my stuff before.”

 

Dex just shrugged one shoulder. “Well, that thing you read me before was kind of cool, I want to see what you do with it. And besides, I never thought you’d want me to.”

 

“Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have,” Nursey admitted. Dex raised an eyebrow in silent question, so Nursey huffed and leaned in to murmur in Dex’s ear, “Most of them were about you.”

 

“Oh,” Dex said again, but this time his cheeks had gone pink and there was a shy smile on his lips. Nursey rolled his eyes fondly and went back to his screen. He stared at it for a few minutes, but he’d completely lost his train of thought.

 

“Fuck it,” he mumbled as he saved the document, shut his laptop, and stuck it back in his bag. He took off his hoodie and draped it over him like a blanket, then settled back in his seat. He shut his eyes, more than ready to doze for the rest of the trip. After a second, he felt Dex lean into him and rest his head on Nursey’s shoulder. Nursey opened his eyes in surprise, but when he looked Dex had his shut. Nursey shifted his sweatshirt so it was covering both of them, then found Dex’s hand under the fabric and laced their fingers together. Dex smiled and gave his hand a small squeeze.

 

By the time Nursey woke up they were just about back to campus, and Dex was still curled into his side. Nursey blinked and rubbed his eyes, and then Bitty, who was sitting directly in front of him, poked his head up over the seat.

 

“Oh good, you’re up,” he said with a sweet smile, and then dropped the fine jug right in Nursey’s lap.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

As it turned out, Nursey did manage to finish his poem by the open mic night, which was for the best because he hadn’t really written anything since the last one that he felt was worth reading. And he had to read as a requirement of being a writing major, which he usually didn’t mind but was always harder when he didn’t have anything decent to contribute. As it was he didn’t think this was really one of his better pieces, but he felt solidly okay about it, which was way more than he could say about that awful short story he’d written a few weeks ago.

 

He typically liked reading not first but towards the beginning, so he could get it over with rather than having to sit in anticipation for ages. He could never pay attention to anyone else’s stuff that way anyways, and he liked listening to his classmates. The program was relatively small, so it’d been interesting to move through it with more or less the same group of people, to watch them all grow and change and influence one another.

 

The open mics were typically held in the student center, where they all helped out in setting up rows of chairs for the audience. Mostly only the other writing majors and professors came to watch, but once in a while friends or people who had stumbled into the room by accident came as well. Nursey was sat off to one side with two of the girls in his year he’d become friendly with. He’d hooked up with one of them a couple times during Freshman year, but it hadn’t really turned into anything. Nursey hadn’t minded.

 

“Hey,” Nursey said quietly, and nudged Erika (not the one he’d hooked up with). “You should go next, and I’ll go after you.”

 

“Why can’t you go before me?” she asked with a frown.

 

“Because I don’t want to.” He smirked, and she glared at him, but once everyone broke into applause when the person currently at the microphone finished, she got up and approached the front of the room. As predicted, Nursey barely heard a word she said, but he was pretty sure it was something she’d workshopped in class recently anyways. He only realized it was over when the customary light applause started. His other friend all but shoved him out of his seat, and he huffed but approached the mic anyways, giving Erika a fist bump when he passed her.

 

Nursey really didn’t mind reading. In fact, he kind of loved sharing his work. The validation was like a rush for him. But there was always that spike of adrenaline that he couldn’t quite help when he first stood up at the mic, the room silent and everyone’s eyes on him.

 

“Sup,” he said into the mic, then cleared his throat a little and took the paper with his poem on it out of his pocket, unfolding it. “I’m Derek. Haven’t worked out a title for this one yet, suggestions are more than welcome.”

 

He took a deep breath, then started to read, his voice clear and confident -- he’d had a lot of practice in this, after all.

 

 

> “ _1\. Orange never seemed like anything more than a garish eyesore but now it’s in everything I touch because you’ve made everything more. I don’t know how you did that. I don’t think you do either, which is the worst part about it, because if you don’t know then how can I possibly be expected to understand anything? I try to dig the words out from deep in my chest but you’ve stolen them with your breath and most of the time I don’t want them back, anyways._ __  
> __  
> _“2. Your back curved like a question mark and the answer was hidden behind your teeth. I tried to fetch it with my tongue but you told me you were sorry._ __  
> __  
> _“3. There was never anything to apologize for._ __  
> __  
> _“4. It’s hard to imagine days before your honey-coated smile, but for the longest time orange was violent rage that set my fingernails on edge. Once I tried to trace back to when it softened into sherbet and poppies, but like everything else it comes and goes and most of the time I don’t wish I could stop it. I used to but wishes are nothing so I stopped trying._ __  
> __  
> _“5. I dream in technicolor, but I never remember much when I wake up. There’s only the feeling, and I try to chase it long after I’ve regained consciousness, but it slips through my fingers again and again and again and_ __  
> __  
> _“6. (The closest thing I’ll ever find is when my fingers catch yours and you don’t let go.)_ __  
> __  
> _“7. There’s nothing in the entire goddamn world that rhymes with you, and even though I know it I can’t help but look, because I guess I’m not ready to let the idea of it go even though I want to. I want to face you head on and let my thoughts spill out of my mouth like a waterfall until there is nothing left for me to give. I want to let you know me, to learn my greens and browns and violets and, yes, sometimes I have orange, too._ __  
> __  
> _“8. I want to tell you how you’re the realest thing I’ve ever felt._ __  
> __  
> _“9. I want to tell you how much that scares me._ __  
> __  
> _“10. Every time I see the way your eyelashes brush your cheeks in moments of quiet joy everything slips away and your apricot daydreams are all that matter. Someday I’ll break through this trance and explain what all of it means but if I did would you understand? I think you would, but the not-knowing is petrifying._ _  
> _ __  
> _“11. Tomorrow you might chew the dry skin off your lips, and I might bite my hangnails until they bleed, but in stolen two-in-the-morning memories I can let myself have this. Like I told you before, it’s nobody’s business but ours.”_

 

The applause that followed made Nursey grin. A little “Woo!” came from somewhere towards the back, but Nursey couldn’t make out who it was. “Thank you,” he said into the mic, then made his way back to his seat.

 

“That was really good, Derek,” Erika told him in a whisper, and Nursey smiled. He was barely through thanking her when Chelsea cut in.

 

“Yeah, but who was it about?” she hissed, her voice dropping as the next person started reading.

 

“Oh, it was about none of your fucking business, that’s who,” he told her, sounding nonchalant.

 

This sparked a furious, whispering argument that went on for several minutes until the person in front of them turned to glare in their direction and they fell quiet again. Fortunately, she let it drop after that.

 

When the open mic ended, people started to trickle out, but most lingered to talk. Nursey and the girls hadn’t even moved from their seats yet, too busy debating what the hell Ed’s poem about teeth even _meant_ , anyways, because Nursey was pretty sure it didn’t have anything to do with his mom but Chelsea vehemently disagreed, when he was startled by a familiar voice from behind him. A voice belonging to just about the last person he would’ve expected to be there.

 

“Hey,” the voice said, and sure enough when Nursey twisted around in his chair there was Dex, standing behind him looking nervous and a little shy. Chowder was hovering nearby, trying and failing miserably not to look like he was paying attention to their conversation.

 

“Uh, hey,” Nursey said. “What -- what are you doing here?”

 

Dex rubbed the side of his neck, not quite meeting Nursey’s eyes. “Well, you mentioned the other day that you had this going on, and I realized I’ve never been to one of these things or heard you read before, so. Chowder and I thought it might be fun.”

 

“Oh.” Nursey blinked, and then a slow grin spread on his face as he realized Dex had probably talked Chowder into coming so he didn’t have to go alone, but he’d wanted to hear Nursey read. “That’s chill. What’d you think?”

 

“It was good.” Dex met Nursey’s eyes now, his lips curved upwards in a small smile of his own. “Really good. Like… kind of incredible, honestly.”

 

Nursey let out a surprised laugh, and hoped he wasn’t blushing enough for it to be noticeable. Beside him, Chelsea cleared her throat loudly, and he glanced at her. He’d forgotten that they weren’t alone. “Oh shit, sorry,” he said, realizing he should probably make some introductions. “Dex, this is Chelsea and Erika, we have a ton of classes together.”

 

Chelsea grinned wolfishly and stuck her hand out. Dex looked more than a little wary as he shook it. “Wonderful to meet you,” she said. Erika rolled her eyes.

 

“Chels, Erika, this is Dex, and Chowd-- uh, Chris.” Sometimes Nursey forgot how weird hockey nicknames could be to outsiders. When he pointed at Chowder, he brightened and waved. “Guys from the team,” he explained. Then, to Dex, “You guys gonna bounce? If you give me a sec I’ll head back with you.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Dex said with another brief smile. After telling the girls it was nice to meet them, he went off and joined Chowder, and started talking to him quietly. Whatever he was saying made Chowder grin.

 

“ _Derek_ ,” Chelsea said, grinning and poking Nursey in the ribs. He swatted her hand away. “Orange?”

 

“Fuck off,” he mumbled, but he couldn’t seem to stop smiling, either.

 

“Wait, really?” Erika said, glancing between Nursey and Dex. “Holy shit.”

 

“You’re so _into him_ ,” Chelsea added, her voice thankfully dropping to a whisper.

 

“Fuck off,” Nursey hissed again, a little more forcefully this time. “Don’t say anything, okay? He’s not out to like, literally anyone. He’d probably freak if he thought people could tell.”

 

Chelsea mimed zipping her lips. “The only reason we can tell is because we heard the poem,” Erika assured him.

 

Nursey hadn’t realized how much his shoulders had tensed until they sank with relief at her words. This thing between him and Dex was still so new and fragile, he didn’t want to do anything to risk fucking it up. And he was pretty sure if Dex thought anyone was onto them, he would spook and call the whole thing off. It’d taken them long enough to get to this point already. “Thanks,” he said.

 

“Why are you still here talking to us?” Chelsea demanded, and started poking him again. “Go! Go!”

 

Nursey laughed then, and got up to join Dex and Chowder. “Okay, okay, I’m going. See you guys tomorrow.”

 

The girls both chimed their goodbyes as he left. Chowder and Dex were still talking quietly to each other, but fell quiet when Nursey stopped next to them. “Hey!” Chowder said. “We were just talking about how ‘swawesome you were. I mean, your writing is always ‘swawesome, but it was cool hearing you read it!”

 

“Thanks.” Nursey grinned, feeling a little shy all of a sudden, and shoved his hands in his pockets. “We heading out?”

 

They did, and it was quiet and dark outside. The cold was really starting to set in, with the kind of biting wind that cut through the bone, and Nursey really hoped the snow would hold off until at least after Thanksgiving. He popped up the collar on his jacket to try and guard against it at least a little.

 

“So,” Dex said as they walked. “Your poem. Was it, uh. Was it about…”

 

“Dude,” Nursey said softly after Dex had trailed off. He bumped their shoulders together affectionately. “Of course it was, who else would it be about?”

 

Chowder let out an honest-to-god squeal at that, and Nursey frowned at him. “I’m sorry! This is just so cute and I’m so happy like honestly it took long enough!!!”

 

Dex’s face had gone bright red, and he wasn’t meeting either of their eyes. “Chill, C,” Nursey said, but he couldn’t help smiling just a little. He was really happy, too. It was nice that there was someone they didn’t have to pretend in front of, even though he could tell it still made Dex uncomfortable to acknowledge. After Nursey and Dex had _finally_ talked, Nursey had felt obligated to fill Chowder in on what had happened, after swearing him to the strongest of secrecy. After Nursey had told him Chowder hadn’t stopped grinning for a full hour, to the point where Nursey had genuinely started to worry his face might get stuck. And then he’d hunted down Dex and practically tackled him with a hug, and Dex gave Nursey the most long-suffering look he thought he’d ever seen, even though Nursey had cleared it with him before telling Chowder and Dex should’ve expected that sort of a reaction, really. Chowder had been doing a pretty decent job of keeping cool around the rest of the guys, but when it was just the three of them he didn’t really hold back.

 

Nursey was also very fortunate that Chowder wasn’t much of a stickler for fines, or he’d probably be flat-out broke.

 

The walk back was mostly quiet, with it being sort of late on a weeknight, and they spent most of it talking about the other things people had read at the open mic. Chowder enthusiastically and Dex much more quietly determined that they liked Nursey’s poem the best, and even though he was pretty sure they were only saying that because neither of them knew all that much about poetry and Nursey was their friend, it was still nice to hear. He and Dex walked close enough to each other that their shoulders bumped every couple of steps, and Nursey had to shove his hands in his jacket pockets to keep from reaching over and lacing his fingers with Dex’s like he desperately wanted to. When they got into the Haus, there was a surprising amount of activity going on, where apparently Whiskey, Bitty, Tango, and Ford were entertaining some of the new Frogs. Chowder immediately went to join them, but when Nursey caught Dex’s eye Dex jerked his head towards the stairs, so Nursey followed him up.

 

As soon as their bedroom door was closed behind them, Dex pulled Nursey into a deep, slow kiss that honestly took his breath away. Once they had separated, Nursey rested his forehead against Dex’s, and he didn’t think he could keep from smiling if he tried. One of his hands had curled around the side of Dex’s neck, and he lightly ran his thumb back and forth along Dex’s jaw. “What was that for?”

 

“You really were incredible,” Dex said softly, his eyes lowered to where he was hooking his fingers through Nursey’s belt loops. “And, um. You’re the realest thing I’ve ever felt, too.”

 

Nursey’s heart skipped a beat at hearing his own words quoted back at him like that, particularly those ones. He pulled Dex into another kiss, drawing a little sigh from him as Nursey licked into his mouth. Dex tugged on Nursey’s belt loops lightly, slotting their hips together. There was something unbearably sweet about the kiss, and meaningful in a way that had been eating away at Nursey lately and he’d been trying very hard not to think about too much. It was the way their lips slid together in perfect harmony, deep and unhurried, and they breathed almost in sync. Nursey didn’t think that anyone had ever touched or kissed him with as much reverence as Dex, and even if Dex was still having trouble putting things into words around Nursey, quiet moments like this spoke volumes. One of his hands skated down Dex’s spine, his fingertips catching on the fabric of his shirt, and Dex shuddered.

 

Dex’s fingers were still hooked through Nursey’s belt loops, and he started walking backwards, tugging Nursey along with him. Once they reached his bed, he sat down heavily on the edge of the mattress, and Nursey went to join him and in an entirely unsurprising turn of events bumped his forehead on the frame to his bunk.

 

“Oh my god.” Dex was doing a really bad job at trying to keep from laughing. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Nursey huffed, and managed to crawl over Dex without hitting his head again. Dex’s eyes were still sparkling with barely-contained laughter, so clearly there was only one solution. Nursey raised an eyebrow and dug his fingers into Dex’s ribs.

 

“Nursey!” Dex screeched, trying to squirm away even as he shook with laughter. Nursey only grinned and doubled his efforts, sitting on Dex’s hips to pin him to the bed to better keep up the ruthless tickling. “Oh my god, stop, stop!” Dex crossed his arms tightly over his stomach but Nursey managed to get under them anyways.

 

By the time he finally relented, Dex was breathless and red-faced. “You’re the worst,” he croaked out between fits of giggles.

 

“Yeah, but you like me anyways.”

 

“God knows why.”

 

Nursey just watched Dex for a while after that, a soft smile on his face. Dex finally seemed to calm himself down enough to stop laughing, but he was still breathless and grinning when he asked Nursey, “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Nursey said. “Just admiring how fucking gorgeous you are.”

 

Dex scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

 

“What? I mean it,” Nursey protested. “You’re so beautiful I can hardly stand it. You have no idea how hard it’s always been to keep myself from sneaking peeks at you in the locker room.” He started pressing soft kisses down Dex’s jaw.

 

“I’m average at best,” Dex said, but he tilted his head so Nursey could get at his neck.

 

“Not to me.” Nursey gently closed his teeth over a bit of the skin on Dex’s throat, and Dex let out a shaky little sigh. “That poem I read tonight? Not the first I’ve written about you. Not even close.” He ran his tongue over the spot he’d bitten, and Dex carded a hand through Nursey’s hair. “I could write about you forever and it still wouldn’t be enough. I see galaxies in you.”

 

Dex let out a short, breathy laugh. “Are you trying to charm me into falling for you?”

 

Nursey’s heart skipped a beat in his chest, and he pulled back so he could look at Dex again, grinning. “Maybe. Why, is it working?”

 

Rather than answering Dex just tugged him into another hard, needy kiss. Nursey didn’t think he was too far off by considering that a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the book nursey was reading is [bluets by maggie nelson](http://thecheapestuniversity.org/wp-content/themes/TCU/j/pdfjs/web/viewer.html?file=http://thecheapestuniversity.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/maggie-nelson-bluets.pdf) and it literally is a 100-pg book about the color blue and it's really beautifully written and thoughtful so i def recommend checking it out!! i had to read it for class when i was away at art school being a creative writing major, an experience that was drawn upon a LOT for this chapter. it was kind of fun to reminisce like that. on a related note shoutout to chelsea and erika my only two real friends from my classes back then who will most likely never know i stole their names for random characters in this fic :')
> 
> i'm still like... so overwhelmed by all the support you guys have been showing me and the fact that the drawing i posted with the last chapter got like 10x the amount of notes any of my drawings EVER have... and i'm very sad to report that i don't have the next chapter finished yet and i can't guarantee that it'll be done by next thursday so weekly updates might not continue but I WILL TRY... for you guys bc i love you all sm omg
> 
> in the meantime come keep me company and/or yell at me to stop being lazy and write more over @ [tumblr](http://shuckydarnes.tumblr.com)!!


	8. Chapter 8

Even though it was a weeknight and they had practice in the morning, everyone ended up crowding into the living room of the Haus and stayed up way too late watching the election results slowly trickle in. It’d started as a fairly normal gathering, with snacks and excessive chirping and generally high spirits, but as the map of the country started to fill in and slowly showed more and more red, the mood became much more subdued. By midnight the polls were still getting their results in, but it suddenly seemed very real that the Republicans would win this one, which was something Nursey honestly had not even dared to think of as a possibility, considering their current figurehead.

 

“I’m scared,” Bitty whispered, his eyes glued to the television. When Nursey looked over he was only a little surprised to see that he was tearing up.

 

“Me too, Bits,” Nursey said, wrapping an arm around Bitty’s shoulder and pulling him into his side. Because he was. He was fucking terrified, and he remembered being nervous about the potential of Romney winning four years previous, but compared to this visceral, all-encompassing fear for the livelihood of not only himself but also just about everyone around him, that had been nothing. He kind of wanted to throw up.

 

“Hey, Dex, aren’t you a Republican?” Tango asked helpfully, and Nursey could feel Dex go tense on his other side. Nursey wanted more than anything to pull him into a hug, too, but he didn’t think that would go over terribly well.

 

“I didn’t vote for him,” Dex mumbled.

 

“Wait, really?” For some reason this took Nursey by surprise, and he turned to Dex as much as he could while still holding onto Bitty. “You didn’t?”

 

“No.” Dex’s voice was firm, enough that it made Nursey raise an eyebrow. “God, no, how could I, considering--”

 

He cut himself off and started chewing on the inside of his cheek, his hands clenched into fists as he avoided looking at anyone. Nursey was able to fill in that blank well enough, even though everyone else looked confused. Not able to give much of a fuck at the moment, he covered one of Dex’s hands with his. Some of the tension instantly seemed to drain out of Dex’s shoulders, and he didn’t pull away, even though he was still scowling into space.

 

“Guys, we should head to bed,” Chowder said after a while, sounding more tired than Nursey thought he’d ever heard him. He and Farmer were sitting on the floor, and she was slowly rubbing a hand up and down his back. “Practice in the morning. Besides, it could be hours before the results are finalized.”

 

Everyone murmured in subdued agreement, but it wasn’t until Chowder huffed and grabbed the remote and actually turned off the television that they started to slowly disperse. Bitty was the first one upstairs, already holding his phone to his ear as he went -- calling Jack, no doubt -- but Nursey and Dex weren’t far behind.

 

It was quiet in the room while they both got ready for bed, but after a few minutes that was broken by Dex quietly asking, “Did you really think I voted for him?”

 

Nursey turned around, but Dex wasn’t looking at him -- he was turned towards the window, his arms crossed over his chest and a slightly pained expression on his face. Nursey sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t really think about it? I mean, you  _ are _ a Republican--”

 

“Yeah, well he isn’t,” Dex interrupted sharply. “He’s a fucking crazy person, is what he is.” He fell silent again, his shoulders tense. Nursey walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Dex’s waist, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his neck. Dex let out a long sigh and leaned back against Nursey, relaxing, but only a little. “Everyone in my family voted for him, I know they did,” he continued, his voice quiet and a bit sad now. “Now I  _ really  _ don’t know how I’m supposed to tell them about-- about--”

 

“Hey,” Nursey interrupted gently. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about that right now, alright? Let’s just… get some sleep.”

 

Dex let out a long sigh, but after a minute he nodded. “Will you,” he started, and then faltered, but managed to continue, “Will you sleep with me tonight? Not like -- I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

“Yeah,” Nursey told him, and pressed another kiss to Dex’s neck. “Yeah, of course. C’mere.”

 

It’d become something of an art form figuring out the best way to arrange the two of them on Dex’s tiny bed so that they could both be relatively comfortable, but after a decent amount of practice they’d more or less figured it out -- so it wasn’t long until they’d settled down, Dex tucked into Nursey’s arms. “Hey, if it makes you feel any better,” Nursey murmured, his face buried in Dex’s hair, “I’m like, 99% sure my dad voted for him, too.” Dex let out a short laugh, but there was absolutely no humor in it, and Nursey’s heart ached even as they fell asleep holding each other tightly.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

“How much begging do you think I’d have to do to get Bitty to make a coconut creme pie for Hausgiving?” Chowder asked as he flopped down onto the disgusting green couch. Nursey raised an eyebrow from where he and Dex were sat on the other, slightly-less-disgusting couch, his legs draped across Dex’s lap and Dex’s laptop resting atop them. Dex glanced up at Chowder’s question, but never paused in his typing.

 

“Come on, C, you know he’d make you one whenever you wanted if you asked,” Nursey told him. He put down the book he was reading, resting it open face-down on his stomach to save his page. “Especially if  _ you _ asked.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Nursey rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to play dumb dude, everyone knows you’re Bitty’s favorite.”

 

Chowder gaped at him, looking offended. “What? That is so not true!”

 

“It so is,” Dex added flatly, still typing away.

 

Chowder huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, sinking further into the couch along with the mold and the garbage and god knew what else was living in that thing. Nursey didn’t know why he was apparently surprised by this information, or upset by it. Everyone has favorites. Like, Dex was Nursey’s favorite, but he cut that train of thought off very quickly before it could get too far away from him. “Are you guys gonna put in any requests?”

 

“Nah,” Nursey said. “He’s definitely gonna make pumpkin, so I’m chill.” His favorite pie was actually strawberry rhubarb, but Bitty hardly ever made that one, and it wasn’t particularly autumnal, anyways. Then again, neither was coconut creme. But Nursey didn’t care enough to put in the effort, and besides Bitty was already going to be doing more than enough cooking and baking for everyone as it was.

 

“Dex?” Chowder asked.

 

“Oh. Um.” Dex actually stopped what he was doing and glanced at them, and both Nursey and Chowder turned to him expectantly. “I’m actually… not gonna be here for Hausgiving this year.”

 

“What?!” Chowder sat up straight, like this was the worst thing anyone could possibly ever say. “Really, why not??”

 

“Chill,” Nursey told Chowder.

 

“I mean, our game isn’t until that Saturday night. And I guess my older brother managed to get the time off and he’s gonna make the trip up, and my sister decided to go too, so my mom kind of guilted me into going home so we could have the whole family together.” He shrugged one shoulder, avoiding looking at either of them.

 

“Oh.” Chowder pouted and leaned back into the couch again. “Man, that sucks. It’ll be so weird without you here.”

 

“I mean, I don’t really want to go anyways,” Dex mumbled. “But she talked me into it. And it’ll only be for like, two days. Didn’t either of you ever consider going home for it?”

 

“California’s way too far to go for just two days,” Chowder pointed out.

 

“My parents are thrilled we’re out of the house, so they always travel that weekend now,” Nursey said. “Thanksgiving was never that big a thing in my family anyways, especially since winter break is so soon after and we’ll all be together then.”

 

“That’s what I tried to tell my mom,” Dex huffed. “But I guess my brother and his girlfriend are gonna be traveling for a wedding around Christmas, and Molly is being flaky because she’s freaking out about her thesis so she might stay at school for the whole break and if I don’t go up there for Thanksgiving I’ll be the one keeping the whole family from being together until who-knows-when because naturally that would wind up being my fault, just like everything else.” Without even glancing at either of them Dex went back to typing, the keys clattering furiously beneath his fingers. Nursey and Chowder exchanged a look.

 

“Well,” Chowder said carefully, “Like you said, it’ll only be for two days, right? And won’t it be good to see your family?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe, I guess.” Dex didn’t sound terribly enthusiastic at the thought. Nursey didn’t know all that much about Dex’s family, but he’d always gotten the impression they were relatively close -- he didn’t complain about them much, anyways. But then he remembered Dex saying  _ I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back there after this _ , and he realized maybe he’d misjudged. They all fell silent for a minute, Dex still staring at his laptop even though he’d stopped typing again, until suddenly he snapped it shut and sat up straighter. “Hey,” he said, “What if you guys came too, would you want to?”

 

Chowder and Nursey once again exchanged apprehensive looks. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Nursey asked carefully.

 

“Yeah! Totally. I mean I’ll have to ask my parents obviously but like, you guys are my  _ friends _ .” Dex put unnecessary emphasis on the word, giving Nursey a pointed look. Nursey couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Besides, it’ll be way more fun if you guys are there.”

 

“Okay! Yeah, it does sound fun!!” Chowder clearly didn’t need any more convincing. “When would we go?”

 

“Wednesday afternoon, after classes. We’d take the bus up from Boston. Nursey?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Are you gonna come?” The hopeful look on Dex’s face very nearly made Nursey cave and agree to whatever he wanted, but he couldn’t quite shake his apprehension over the whole thing.

 

“I don’t know, man,” he said, and Dex’s face fell. “Maybe. I’ll think about it.”

 

“Okay,” Dex said quietly. “Well, I’ll ask my parents anyways, just in case you decide you want to.”

 

He didn’t push it any more than that, which Nursey was grateful for, and it wasn’t brought up again until a few nights later, when Nursey walked into their bedroom and found Dex on the phone. He seemed to be on the tail end of the call, and Nursey started getting ready for bed while he said his farewells. It was quiet for a minute, and then Dex said, “That was my mom. She said you guys can come next week. If you want.”

 

“Oh,” Nursey said. He finished changing, then after a moment’s hesitation, joined Dex on his bed. “Look. It’s not that I don’t  _ want _ to come. Because I do. I just… don’t know if it’s such a good idea, considering our, um. Situation. I don’t want to make trouble for you with your folks.”

 

Dex frowned, not quite looking at Nursey. He didn’t answer right away, and when he did, his voice was quiet and faltering. “I’m -- worried about that too. But I’m more worried about -- about, uh, going there. By myself. And it’s cool that Chowder’s coming, but -- I don’t know. Fuck. I just think it’d help, if you were there. As a friend,” he added quickly, shooting Nursey a nervous glance. “I just -- I feel better around you. Like, calm or whatever. I’ve never -- never felt like that before, not really.”

 

And then Nursey realized just how scared Dex really was about this, and how much he didn’t want to do it alone. How even though he’d made it clear Nursey would only be there as a friend, he valued their relationship as more than that, as something deep enough that even though Chowder was going Dex really wanted Nursey specifically to be there. How he felt things for Nursey he hadn’t felt for anyone else. It was probably the closest Dex had ever come to actually defining their relationship in words, and the realization made a powerful and undeniable wave of affection course through Nursey. “Hey,” he said softly, and ducked his head a little to try and get Dex to look at him. When their eyes met, Nursey’s lips formed the tiniest of smiles. “It’s okay. I’ll come. If you’re sure, then yeah, I’ll come.”

 

Dex’s eyes filled with some sort of emotion that Nursey couldn’t quite put into words, and they just stared at each other for a minute. And then Dex was leaning in and kissing him, cautiously at first, and then hard and desperate like he couldn’t get close enough. He’d gotten better at this, more confident, and for once was taking charge so thoroughly that it was all Nursey could do to keep up. “Thank you,” he breathed against Nursey’s lips between kisses. Nursey just hummed, a little bit otherwise occupied. He wrapped his arms around Dex’s waist, and Dex pushed at his shoulders until he lay back, Dex settling half on top of him.

 

They separated for a moment to catch their breath, and Nursey couldn’t help but smile when his eyes met Dex’s. “What’s this all about?” he asked softly.

 

Dex’s cheeks went a little pink, and he looked away, his copper eyelashes fluttering. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just glad you decided to come.”

 

“Well, I’m glad that you’re glad,” Nursey said, and Dex let out a little snort of laughter. He leaned in to kiss Dex again, but it was soft and only lasted a moment before Dex pulled away.

 

“You know,” he said in a very small voice, still not quite looking at Nursey. His focus was instead on his fingers, where he was toying with the fabric of Nursey’s shirt. “Someday I would like it. If -- if you could come there with me, and not… As a friend.”

 

Nursey didn’t say anything for a long minute, shocked into silence. But by the time Dex finally glanced up at him, a wide grin had spread on his face. “Babe,” he said, and kissed Dex’s cheek.

 

“Oh my god. Shut up,” Dex said, but he was smiling too.

 

“So does this mean you’ll finally admit that we’re dating?”

 

“Wouldn’t we have to actually, you know,  _ go on a date _ then?”

 

“Bro. We went on a date like two days ago.”

 

“Okay, first of all,” Dex said, narrowing his eyes, “If you’re talking about when we got sushi the other night, that was not a date. Secondly, if we  _ are _ dating, you’re officially forbidden from calling me bro.”

 

Nursey let out a short laugh. “I can live with that -- if you tell me how, exactly, that was  _ not _ a date? I took a cute boy who I like kissing out to a nice sit-down dinner and happily paid for the whole thing. And then when we got back I gave you a blowjob like the classy broad I am.”

 

Dex just kind of stared at Nursey for a long time, his brow furrowed. “Oh my god,” he said finally, his voice quiet. “That… that was totally a date. We’re dating. We’ve been dating this whole time? Why didn’t you  _ tell me _ ??”

 

“Uh, because I thought you knew?” Nursey chuckled again. “And also you get really weird whenever I try to talk about any of this shit so I usually just avoid bringing it up.”

 

“Yeah. I know,” Dex mumbled with a frown. “I’m -- I’m sorry about that.”

 

“Hey. It’s okay. It’s been a lot for you, I just wanted to let you take your time, yknow?” Nursey brushed Dex’s bangs off his forehead and pressed a soft kiss there. “Besides, you’ve gotten better about it.”

 

“Nurse?” Dex murmured.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Dex studied his face for a long time, some kind of conflict brewing in his pretty amber eyes. Finally, he admitted in a very small voice, “I think I might be gay.”

 

Nursey had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, because  _ duh _ , but also he knew this was most likely the first time Dex had ever said it out loud and he didn’t want to be insensitive, because it was kind of a big deal. Especially for Dex. “I think you might be too, babe,” he told Dex, still grinning.

 

Dex’s lips curved up into a tiny smile of their own, and Nursey was pretty sure it was the best thing he’d ever seen. “Shut up,” he said fondly, and leaned down to kiss Nursey again, slow and deep. Nursey wasn’t about to argue with that, so instead he just kissed Dex back, letting a little sigh out of his nose as his arms tightened around Dex’s waist. The way the intensity seemed to build felt both gradual and natural, and by the time Dex was licking into Nursey’s mouth and Nursey’s hand was dipping under the hem of Dex’s shirt, they were breathing almost in sync and Nursey felt like he could melt. Like he could just stay like this forever, trading kisses filled with more emotions than either of them could put into words, and Dex shuddering as Nursey’s fingertips trailed up his spine.

 

Dex pulled back a little, but Nursey, not at all dissuaded, started kissing down his jaw and neck instead, scraping his teeth lightly across Dex’s skin in the way he knew he liked. He was rewarded with a long, shaky exhale. “Derek?” Dex murmured, and Nursey replied with a noise that was somewhere between a questioning hum and a little moan. Dex only ever called him by his first name when they were like this, and it was stupid but it  _ did things _ to Nursey. It felt intimate, and special, and he liked the way the syllables sounded in Dex’s voice. “Can I -- um.”

 

When Nursey realized he wasn’t going to continue, he let his head fall back on the pillow, so that he could look at Dex properly. He wasn’t looking at Nursey, just nibbling on his lower lip, his cheeks flushed. “Can you what?” Nursey asked, his voice coming out a little more patient than he felt.

 

“Never mind.”

 

“Dex,” he said, his voice verging on stern. Dex’s eyes flicked up to meet his. “Come on. It’s just me. The worst I can do is say no, and I won’t know what you want if you don’t ask.”

 

“I just,” Dex said, and then looked away again, letting out a frustrated huff. He fell silent, and Nursey was about to prod him back into talking when he spoke up of his own accord, his voice small. “Can, um. Can I try going down on you?”

 

Nursey blinked. “Oh,” he said.

 

Dex’s cheeks went even more red, and he quickly continued, “I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want me to, I’ll probably be really bad at it I’m sorry I’m so awkward about all this shit I just thought maybe--”

 

“Will,” Nursey interrupted, the name feeling a little strange but also  _ right _ on his tongue. Dex’s eyes met his again, a hint of surprise in them. Nursey smiled. “Yeah. You can. I’d really like that. I mean, if you want to.”

 

“I’ll probably be bad at it,” Dex said again. Nursey petted one hand through his hair, and Dex seemed to relax a fraction, and then his mouth set in that determined line that Nursey loved so much. “But I -- I wanna try. Because I like it when you do it, so. I want to make you feel good.”

 

“You always make me feel good,” Nursey said, still grinning. Dex scoffed and rolled his eyes, but his lips had curved into a small smile, too.

 

“You’re a sap,” he informed Nursey, and then leaned down to kiss him again. It was hard and full of intent, and Nursey shuddered when Dex bit down on his lower lip, pulling back slowly until it was released from between his teeth, and then dove back in for another firm kiss. Nursey pointedly rolled his hips up into Dex’s, grinding their erections together through his boxer-briefs and Dex’s jeans -- Nursey was suddenly very glad he’d already gotten changed for bed and was only wearing a loose tshirt and his underwear -- making both of their breaths hitch almost in unison. Dex let out a soft laugh. “So impatient,” he mumbled against Nursey’s lips, but started pushing Nursey’s shirt up anyways.

 

They separated so Dex could pull Nursey’s shirt off over his head, Nursey lifting his arms to help. Once Dex had unceremoniously dropped it to the floor, Nursey started plucking at his shirt as well. “You too,” he said. “Off, off.”

 

Dex laughed again and tugged his own shirt off, leaving his hair a little ruffled. “Don’t know why that matters,” he said, and started kissing down Nursey’s neck.

 

“I like looking at you,” Nursey said, and ran his hands down Dex’s shoulders and biceps, feeling the way his strong muscles worked beneath his skin. “You’re sexy.”

 

Dex snorted like he didn’t believe that for a second, but before Nursey could press the point a bruise was getting sucked into the hollow of his shoulder just above his collarbone. Dex  _ knew _ that was one of his weak spots, but Nursey couldn’t bring himself to care about the underhanded tactic all that much when his eyes were fluttering shut and a breathy little noise was escaping him. But after moment he came to his senses enough to remind Dex, “Bro, marks.”

 

“I told you not to call me that.”

 

“Sorry. Might take me a bit to remember. But seriously, I don’t really feel like trying to explain away any giant hickeys, so.”

 

Dex huffed, sounding annoyed, but he complied. He pressed a soft kiss to the slightly sore spot instead, then continued working his way down Nursey’s torso. Nursey let out a little sigh and ran his hand through Dex’s hair again, arching into the touches. Dex paused to trace Nursey’s abs with his tongue, and Nursey couldn’t help the little whine that escaped him.

 

“Fuck, please,” he murmured, the words slipping past his lips without thought.

 

“Please what?”

 

Nursey opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow, only to predictably find Dex smirking at him. He rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help a small smile of his own. “You’re having entirely too much fun with this,” he informed Dex.

 

“Hey, I’ve put up with more than enough of your teasing, it’s my turn now,” Dex retorted, and Nursey let out a soft laugh. Dex grinned, and then shifted his focus back down to Nursey’s cock, which was still rather poorly concealed by the fabric of his boxer-briefs. He just kind of stared at it for a long minute.

 

“You really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Nursey finally said, breaking the silence.

 

“I want to,” Dex insisted. Nursey raised an eyebrow, but didn’t argue. He knew all too well how stubborn Dex could be. Besides, he wanted this, too. A lot. He could be patient and let Dex figure it out.

 

Dex leaned down and mouthed at Nursey’s cock, the hot moisture of his mouth through the fabric of his underwear making Nursey’s breath hitch sharply, even though it wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted --  _ needed _ more, badly, but he was determined not to rush this. Dex seemed pleased enough by his reaction, anyways, because he eagerly moved Nursey’s boxers out of the way and gave his head an experimental little lick.

 

“Yeah,” Nursey breathed, and let himself fall back down onto the bed again, his eyes shut. “Yeah, babe, that’s good, just like that.”

 

“Okay,” Dex said, his voice sounding warm and pleased from the praise. His tongue was on Nursey again, running a long, wet stripe up the length of his cock, and by the time he actually took it into his mouth, Nursey’s legs were shaking a little and he let out an honest-to-god whine.

 

“Teeth,” he reminded Dex breathlessly. Dex hummed in response, and the vibrations from it made Nursey gasp. Dex started to bob his head carefully. “God, fuck -- for never having done this before you’re picking it up real damn quick.” The little laugh Nursey let out was slightly hysterical-sounding.

 

Dex’s only response was to pick up the pace, and Nursey let out a little moan, his hand tangling in Dex’s hair as the other clutched at Dex’s bedsheets. It was sort of overly cautious, and certainly not the best blowjob Nursey had ever received, but the fact that it was Dex he saw when he opened his eyes, cheeks flushed under his freckles and his lips red where they were stretched around Nursey’s cock, that little furrow between his eyebrows he always got when he was focusing really hard on something, made him think that, okay, maybe this actually was the best he’d gotten, technical details aside.

 

“Look at you,” he murmured, his hand sliding down Dex’s cheek so he could run his thumb over Dex’s lower lip. Dex looked up at him, and his eyes were dark and glassy, only a thin ring of gold visible around his wide pupils. Another little groan escaped Nursey’s chest. “So fucking gorgeous. You’re doing so -- ah -- so good for me babe, so good…” He trailed off into another quiet, wordless moan, and let his head fall back and his eyes shut again. Dex took him in deeper, and swallowed around him, and Nursey pressed a hand over his mouth to muffle the noise that was closer to a sob than anything. “Please,” he whimpered, “Faster, please, I can’t--”

 

Dex complied immediately, and Nursey let out a long, shaky sigh that turned into a whine towards the end. He briefly considered trying to hold off, because he didn’t want any of this to end, but then his back arched as another powerful surge of arousal coursed through him and he gave up on that idea and just let himself let go. All his senses seemed to dull except for where Dex was touching him, and he had to clap a hand over his mouth to muffle the noises he couldn’t quite help. “Dex, babe, I’m gonna come,” he choked out, tugging lightly at Dex’s hair in warning. Dex didn’t let up, only paused for a moment when Nursey came in his mouth, and kept at it until Nursey was done, shaking and whimpering, oversensitive. He shuddered a little when Dex pulled off, and opened his eyes just in time to see Dex wipe his mouth off with the back of his hand. When he noticed Nursey looking, he made a face.

 

“That tastes really gross,” he said, his voice just a little bit raspy, and Nursey’s breath caught for a second before he let out a short laugh.

 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, it does.” He pushed himself up so he could pull Dex into a slow, deep kiss, and he could taste himself in Dex’s mouth, which  _ was _ sort of gross but sent a little thrill down his spine nonetheless. “Want me to do you?” he murmured between kisses, his lips still brushing Dex’s even as he spoke.

 

“No,” Dex mumbled back, also not bothering to pull away. “I’m pretty sure if you did I’d come in like, two seconds, I’m like  _ really _ close already…”

 

Nursey got the fly of Dex’s jeans open and slipped his hand into Dex’s boxers, only to find that Dex wasn’t kidding -- he was so hard it had to hurt, at least a little. “Fuck,” Nursey breathed, wrapping his fingers around Dex’s cock. “You got this worked up just from sucking me off?”

 

Dex did pull back then, just enough to send Nursey a weak glare, but the effect was kind of ruined when Nursey gave him a stroke and his eyes fluttered shut with a sharp gasp. Nursey just grinned and did it again, and almost before he’d even settled into any kind of a rhythm, Dex was spilling over into his hand, his fingernails digging sharply into Nursey’s shoulders. He kept clinging to Nursey even as he took his hand back and pressed a few slow kisses down Dex’s neck, and didn’t pull back until Nursey wiped his hand off on Dex’s jeans.

 

“What the fuck,” Dex said flatly.

 

“What?” Nursey blinked, the picture of innocence.

 

“Why would you do that. There was no reason for you to wipe that on my pants.”

 

“It was either that or your sheets.”

 

“Or you could not wipe it anywhere and just go wash your hands like a fucking normal person?” Dex’s face was so grumpy and irritated that Nursey couldn’t help but laugh, which only made his face get  _ more _ grumpy and irritated.

 

“Chill,” he told Dex. “I would’ve, but Chowder’s in the shower.”

 

Dex paused, apparently listening, not having noticed that the shower had started up a few minutes ago. “Do you think he heard?” he whispered.

 

Nursey laughed again. “Dude, he totally heard.”

 

“Oh my god.” Dex’s face went bright red, which Nursey only saw for a moment before he was hiding it against Nursey’s shoulder.

 

“Chill, I’m joking,” Nursey said, running his hand gently up and down Dex’s back. “I’m sure he didn’t hear anything. Probably.”

 

“I hate you,” Dex mumbled.

 

“That’s not what you were saying five minutes ago.”

 

Dex apparently didn’t have an answer for that, so he just huffed in irritation.

 

_/   .   \\_

 

“Hey Chowder,” Nursey said as the three of them were walking to practice the next morning. “Dex and I are dating.”

 

“Yeah?” Chowder replied, confused. “I know?”

 

Nursey grinned. “Well apparently Dex didn’t,” he said, which earned him a hard punch to the arm from his boyfriend.

  
His  _ boyfriend _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter really did not want to be written sdflkknKSDJF i'm so glad i finally managed to finish scraping it out sorry for the long wait!! can't guarantee the next one will come any sooner though i haven't even started it yet LOL and i actually might take a break working on this one for a little while to write a oneshot or something bc i'm getting a little tired of the way i've characterized dex in this fic orz
> 
> considering this fic takes place in canon timeline, in the fic it's currently the fall of 2016. considering the political climate here in america, and how profoundly the presidential election affected me and everyone i know when it happened, i didn't really feel like it was something i could just gloss over. i didn't want to get into it too much though, either, because that's not really what this fic is about, so hopefully the brief little part of it up there at the beginning is ok
> 
> also!! please don't think i'm forgetting nursey's family!! i know a lot of fics tend to focus more on dex's family and either minimize or disregard nursey's family entirely but there is 100% going to be stuff with them later on i promise
> 
> anyways. next time: thanksgiving with the poindexters... thanks for sticking with me :')
> 
> also hmu @ [tumblr](http://dereknurseynurse.tumblr.com)!! (i changed my url!!)


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